Hurt feelings between church members... advice?
Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2015 4:16 pm
I received a call from a church member (I'm currently an elder), with a "hypothetical" situation and question. As he went on, I realized wasn't hypothetical, but actual. His points were as follows:
1) There are perceived ill feelings between another party at the church, and his family. It has been there for some time, and they don't seem to understand why.
2) These perceived feelings are making it hard for the person contacting me, and his spouse, to worship in services.
3) They asked the pastor to act as a mediator for them, in meeting with this other party, to try to alleviate the matter.
4) The pastor reached out to the other party, who apparently expressed no interest in meeting.
The person asked me what should be the next step from here, and also if I thought trying to meet with them was what they should have done.
I replied that I thought a meeting to address the perceived issue was a good idea, though I probably wouldn't have involved the pastor right off the bat, and tried to meet with them directly. I told him to give me some time to think on the matter, and I'd get back with him instead of giving an off the cuff response for advice.
If the issue is legitimate, it seems to me that Matthew 5:23-24 definitely advocates going and meeting with a person to try to resolve the issue. I also go to Matthew 18, which, in confronting sin from another church member, advocates going alone and meeting with them, then taking another believer with you if that doesn't work, and finally then bringing it to the church as a last resort.
It seems to me like they took this matter in the wrong order. Now, the church (being the pastor and myself) both know about the matter, without them first trying to keep it private between the two involved parties, and resolving it quietly that way.
It does trouble me that the other party apparently expressed no interest in meeting over the matter when asked.
I'm really at a loss to what the wisest way is to proceed from here. Of course, I'll be talking with the pastor at some point soon, and we can mull it over together, but I thought I'd ask for wisdom from everyone here as well. Thanks for any input. I really just want to see unity in our body.
Thanks,
Ryan
1) There are perceived ill feelings between another party at the church, and his family. It has been there for some time, and they don't seem to understand why.
2) These perceived feelings are making it hard for the person contacting me, and his spouse, to worship in services.
3) They asked the pastor to act as a mediator for them, in meeting with this other party, to try to alleviate the matter.
4) The pastor reached out to the other party, who apparently expressed no interest in meeting.
The person asked me what should be the next step from here, and also if I thought trying to meet with them was what they should have done.
I replied that I thought a meeting to address the perceived issue was a good idea, though I probably wouldn't have involved the pastor right off the bat, and tried to meet with them directly. I told him to give me some time to think on the matter, and I'd get back with him instead of giving an off the cuff response for advice.
If the issue is legitimate, it seems to me that Matthew 5:23-24 definitely advocates going and meeting with a person to try to resolve the issue. I also go to Matthew 18, which, in confronting sin from another church member, advocates going alone and meeting with them, then taking another believer with you if that doesn't work, and finally then bringing it to the church as a last resort.
It seems to me like they took this matter in the wrong order. Now, the church (being the pastor and myself) both know about the matter, without them first trying to keep it private between the two involved parties, and resolving it quietly that way.
It does trouble me that the other party apparently expressed no interest in meeting over the matter when asked.
I'm really at a loss to what the wisest way is to proceed from here. Of course, I'll be talking with the pastor at some point soon, and we can mull it over together, but I thought I'd ask for wisdom from everyone here as well. Thanks for any input. I really just want to see unity in our body.
Thanks,
Ryan