Family Drama

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SWIFTELK
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Family Drama

Post by SWIFTELK » Sat Apr 16, 2016 9:04 pm

My brother-in-law was a music minister years ago but has not been for many years now. He moved to another city years ago because "God told him to". He keeps having kids because of a "building Gods army" mentality. Along the way he has written numerous letters asking for money. He also has 3 businesses that do well. He got lymphoma a few years back and did a fund raiser for that. His daughter got in a wreck and he did a fundraiser for that. He has mostly paid his mortgage and he is currently buying a roughly 600 thousand dollar house. People give him money left and right. He needs a liver transplant now because his liver has a small duct. He is doing another fund raiser and has raised 8000 in the last month. The realtor said they would have a busy weekend showing the house so he took his family of 8 to a hotel for two nights so they could play in the pool. He mentioned people give them money so they can eat out. He is on state insurance so he has no medical bills. This is very frustrating to my wife and I because they release videos asking for money and people contact us to find out their address. We live in another state so we try to stay out of it as none of our business but its getting ridiculous. He asked his other brother for money and his brother gave hin a large sum because he said he was in need. His brother has confronted him and he thinks all this free money is God providing and gets defensive and angry. We see it as stealing just not sure how to handle the situation. What is the right thing to do. Any suggestions? It's making me a little bitter cause they present themselves as a pious holy family. From years of dealing with them i can say they are rotten people. Just very big on their holy image.

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dwight92070
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Re: Family Drama

Post by dwight92070 » Mon Apr 18, 2016 12:11 am

God told him to move to another city? Given his other decisions, it sounds like he isn't hearing from God very well at all. It is admirable, IMO, to have many children, but the important thing is to set a good example for them, which it doesn't sound like he is doing. Of course, God is in charge of how many kids we have.

The Bible warns us many times to avoid borrowing money, although not totally forbidding it. But your brother-in-law is not even doing that - he is actually asking for a handout, even though he has 3 successful businesses. This is not right, and then to say that this is how God is providing for him? So he is saying that God wants him to ask his family for money? Who does he "hit up" for his fund-raisers? His family? Fundraisers are usually started by family or friends to meet pressing needs, not by the person themselves.

He's buying a 600 thousand dollar house? Absolute folly, given his situation, and his propensity to ask others for money. Two nights in a motel, with 8 people? People give him money to eat out? Unbelieveable! Anyone who gives him money is contributing to his irresponsibility. Videos asking for money? Do the videos speak of his medical condition to induce sympathy?

Someone tries to confront him and he gets angry? Then all the handouts should stop. If he can't receive correction, then no one should support him. He is living in a self-righteous deception. I would write him a letter, expressing exactly what you have here. If he is not receptive to that, then "take one or two others with you", or in this case, write a letter from 2 of you,possibly the brother who confronted him. If he is not receptive to that, then go to his pastor, or write him, again from 2 of you, explaining what he is doing. If he won't listen to that, then you should expect his pastor to ask him to leave the church. Whether his pastor does that or not, he is to be considered by you guys as a nonbeliever. You pray for him, and your only dealings with him are to urge him to repent.

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TheEditor
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Re: Family Drama

Post by TheEditor » Mon Apr 18, 2016 11:57 am

Greetings,

Tell us what you really feel, Dwight. :lol: Anyway, I tend to agree with Dwight's take, although I am not sure that the behavior rises to Matt. 18 territory. Is there fraud or slander involved? Or is it just irresponsibility? I agree that asking for money when you live in a comfortable home like that isn't the right thing to do. Several yeas ago we had moved into our first home as a family (house that we purchased). After being there a few years, my health started going downhill; bills (medical) started piling up. Then 2008 happened and I was out of work for the better part of 2 years. Ultimately, we lost the house. I do not believe I did anything to bring this on our family (ie. irresponsibility, etc) but I had no where to turn and things happen. We are still trying to retool our lives after that mess, and it has been challenge after challenge.

Though I have empathy for people going through crisis, health and otherwise, I will admit that hearing the story as you have told it (assuming it to be 100% correct with no spin or unknown factors involved) does make me cringe at least, and makes me angry at worst. I'm not sure other than turning off the assistance what you can do. I am not sure if, like I say, there is fraud involved. If not, I suppose it could fall under the category of "not wanting to work", but I don't know all the details. It does seem though, that a good discussion with someone that he respects and likes with him outlining the areas of concern is in order. Continuing down this road probably isn't the best.

Regards, Brenden.
[color=#0000FF][b]"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."[/b][/color]

SWIFTELK
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Re: Family Drama

Post by SWIFTELK » Tue Apr 19, 2016 6:29 pm

Thank you for the replies. Dwight... I've lost confidence in the churches ability to correct members of its congregation. TheEditor I would say his actions are very fraudulent. He is making people believe there is a need when there is no need at all. The first video of his GoFundMe campaign he mentioned a second video they were working on to show how the kids feel about their Dad... Well... Nobody had donated for a few days so they thought it was a good time to release the second video. Kids were mostly scripted and used for sympathy... Money started rolling in again. Their kids travel the country for debate club. She makes 40 bucks an hour as a nurse. They said they didn't care what the house payment was on the new house because her paycheck could take care of it. All this is being said while they are asking for handouts. Other people don't know he is on state healthcare but he presents himself as needing assistance with medical bills. Very frustrating. Unless we go public with his dealings, I guess we'll just have to pray and hope a time arises when they'll be reasonable.

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TheEditor
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Re: Family Drama

Post by TheEditor » Tue Apr 19, 2016 7:18 pm

Hi Swift,

Hmmmm, well, I guess all I can offer is what I said before. If what you are saying is accurate, then it does appear as though there is some subterfuge involved here. If I or my wife were making 40.00 per hour (and we live in Washington State which is a very expensive place to live), we never would have lost our home. Period. I cannot imagine sending children around the country and what not and expecting others to carry the freight and saying that that is "God providing." Are we certain of his professions? That is, his profession to be a Christian? It would seem to me that this is Christianity 101. I have met people with checkered morals in the "church" and outside of it that still claimed to be Christian, but would never try to get money in this fashion. I can't offer anything but my disappointment.

Regards, Brenden.
[color=#0000FF][b]"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."[/b][/color]

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Homer
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Re: Family Drama

Post by Homer » Tue Apr 19, 2016 9:08 pm

Colossians 3:5 New International Version (NIV)

5. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.

How does this not fit?

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TheEditor
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Re: Family Drama

Post by TheEditor » Tue Apr 19, 2016 10:23 pm

Hi Homer,

I am not sure who you were directing that at, the OP or just the discussion in general. But I would agree with you. I suppose the "other side" would say "It's not greed, it's a felt need." However, I think my thinking is more along the lines of, asking for money is a last resort, not a first one. Probably there are many Scriptural principles that come into play here, which is why I asked about this person's "profession." It is entirely possible that whatever their thinking is, it has reached the heart.

Regards, Brenden.
[color=#0000FF][b]"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."[/b][/color]

SWIFTELK
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Joined: Sun Jun 24, 2012 1:41 pm

Re: Family Drama

Post by SWIFTELK » Tue Apr 19, 2016 11:12 pm

Him and his wife went to a big christian college.out east and they took classes and were trained on how to raise fund to support themselves on the mission field. When I say took classes i mean the entire purpose of the class was to teach them to ask people for money. They have not been in the ministry for years but i think the "easy money" is too hard to pass up. They are professing christians but they are the type that look down on other people if they dont homeschool or if they dont pray in a restaurant etc... they think they are far superior then other people. When their daughter got in a wreck and almost died they claimed that God spared her because of their faith and that God did this or "picked them" to show his grace. Behind the scene though she is a nightmare of a wife and makes the kids.... stopping myself from a rant. They're just bad news and its imbittering to see everything in the background or behind the scenes.

SWIFTELK
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Joined: Sun Jun 24, 2012 1:41 pm

Re: Family Drama

Post by SWIFTELK » Tue Apr 19, 2016 11:15 pm

I guess the bottom line is... should i feel responsible to try and expose them or do i just turn a blind eye?

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TheEditor
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Re: Family Drama

Post by TheEditor » Wed Apr 20, 2016 10:35 am

Hi Swift,

I think if it is as you say, then the proper course would be to find a mature Christian whom they respect, but certainly no one that is a good buddy or that could not be impartial, and lay everything out on the table. Get that person's input. If they are as troubled as you are, then I think the proper course would be to bring it to their attention. Bible's not in front of me right now, but I believe Galatians 6:1 comes into play about a brother making a false step, but being unaware of it; it becomes incumbent on you to readjust such a one in the spirit of a sound mind. That would be step one I think.

Regards, Brenden.
[color=#0000FF][b]"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."[/b][/color]

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