The Narrow Path Ministries

I would like to conduct a little survey here.

As a married Christian man, would it bother your wife if you continued having a friendship with one or more of your previous girlfriends or dating partners?

As a married Christian woman, would it bother your husband if you continued having a friendship with one or more of your previous boyfriends or dating partners?

Dwight

Out of respect for my wife I would not continue wanting to be a friend to that person except on an exceedingly limited basis and only when my wife was present or aware of the communication.


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I would think the healthiest plan would be one that is not absolutist in either way. On the one hand, I think it would be uncomfortable for a spouse to have an extremely close friendship with an ex-romantic interest. On the other hand, I think it would be absurd to demand or expect (in most cases) the absolute absence of such a friendship. The former would just create an environment for jealousy and temptation. The latter would expose a lack of trust and maturity of relationship.

In my life, this hasn't really been an issue at all. My wife and I are both from the same area. But I was so shy in my teenage years that I didn't have a 'girlfriend' until my senior year of High School. I went to college 17 hours away and did date a number of girls there (4). When I returned home from college (and began working in my home church), I didn't date anyone until I began dating Katie (who is now my wife).

So I have 5 former girlfriends. I am 'friends' with all of them in the sense that the breakups were not overly messy and all the people involved were relatively mature. None of the 5 currently live in my area, so we are long distance friends in the sense that we're friends on facebook and occasionally 'like' each others updates on our families. My wife has actually become friends on facebook with my most serious ex-girlfriend (from college). They comment on each other's posts (usually about the kids) way more than I ever comment on her (my ex's) stuff.

My wife never dated anyone except for me.

As a general rule, all my 'female' friends are mutual friends. I don't make friends with females who my wife doesn't know about. In almost all cases, she is friends with them first. I'm never alone in a private setting with a female friend.

This is excellent, Matt!

''I would think the healthiest plan would be one that is not absolutist in either way. On the one hand, I think it would be uncomfortable for a spouse to have an extremely close friendship with an ex-romantic interest. On the other hand, I think it would be absurd to demand or expect (in most cases) the absolute absence of such a friendship. The former would just create an environment for jealousy and temptation. The latter would expose a lack of trust and maturity of relationship.''