Gossip

[Guest]

Steve, et al,

Gossip is listed as one of the deadly sins, yet it seems to me to be a sin commited often with an unawareness of what has been done. I would be interested in hearing what you have to say regarding this problem, especially in defining what it means in biblical and practical terms.

I was impressed by a definition you quoted, as I recall, "talking about another person who is not present when the person you are talking to is neither part of the problem nor part of the solution". After mulling this over it seems to me it would be entirely appropriate, even the right thing to do in some cases, to do otherwise than the definition you related. There could be an added condition, the "need to know". For example, a person who has molested a child in the past lives in a neighborhood where a family with small children have moved in. It would seem right to inform them about the man. Many other cases could probably be adduced.

I am not sure the Webster's definition is of much help. When I go on-line, a page with news headlines comes on. There is a category classified as gossip. Listed there as a headline was a story about Martha Stewart eliminating a contestant from her TV program. This doesn't seem to be gossip that the scriptures have in mind, although I didn't read the story. On the other hand, many problems are stirred up by gossip by people who do not even realize what they are doing.

One of my favorite memories of my mother was when a friend of my wife, a non-Christian who worked with my mother at the time, who told my wife that my mom was different than the other women. When the women sat around and talked, she noticed that mom would never say a bad word about anyone. Would that that would be said of me!

I am thinking about having a class discussion about this subject sometime and am interested in any comments.

In Christ, Homer

[Guest]

Hi Homer,

"Gossip" is referred to, in the Old Testament, as "talebearing" (Lev.19:16/Prov.11:13; 18:8; 20:19; 26:20, 22). It is a grievous sin, in that it destroys or negatively impacts the reputation of another person, and "A good name" is more valuable than "great riches" (Prov.22:1). To deprive a man or woman of reputation is to do greater (and more irreparable) harm than to steal money.

One category of gossip can also be labeled "slander"—which is condemned in scripture and in the laws of every just society. There is even one of the ten commandments devoted to this sin: "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."

Of course, "slander" refers specifically to an accusation that is not true. Most Christians who gossip will justify their actions with the assertion that they only pass along true information. However, passing along damaging information about a person who is not present to defend herself, in the company of those who are neither participants in, nor charged with remedying, the scandalous subject matter, is gossip.

Some people, we may think, have given up their right to privacy by their life choices. The tabloids seem to proceed on the assumption that all celebrities and public persons have voluntarily made this surrender. Perhaps this is true. However, I would think myself to be sticking my nose in another's business were I to take an interest in the scandalous details of their miserable lives, when I am not in any way involved in them.

The obsessive reporting of these details sends the public the not-so-subtle (and strange) message that people in the entertainment industry are more important than are most others, and that we should really be very interested in knowing who it is that they are sleeping with this week! The Christian has much more noble concerns to be occupied with, and should see right through the baseless assumption that celebrity lives are more important or more fascinating than are the lives of common people.

Those who have had a pattern of perennial or addictive criminal behavior (e.g., some sex offenders) are often regarded as having forfeited forever any right to privacy concerning their past misdeeds. However, even such people may be repentant and transformed by the grace of God (1 Cor.6:9-11), so that consideration should be shown to their human dignity to the extent that reference to their past crimes should be restricted to a "need to know" basis, as you suggested.

It is easy to recognize and to disapprove of gossip when we overhear two people, whom we do not know, gossiping about someone else, whom we also don't know. It is annoying to hear, because we sense that it is malicious (though often disguised in the language of "concern") and we recognize that the person gossiping is merely seeking to be regarded as "interesting" and desirable company at the expense of another, by their exploiting a listener's morbid desire to know what is wrong with everyone else.

It is less easy to discern that we are gossiping or that we are hearing gossip when the subject matter interests us and involves someone recognizable or known to us. Yet, the words we speak or hear without a thought of being talebearers can greatly damage another person's reputation and even destroy his or her life.

Even in a court of law, we think it a basic right for the accused to be permitted to face his accuser. Yet, gossip deprives the person, whose circumstances we find so fascinating, of the basic right to know what is being said about him/her and of the opportunity to speak in his/her own defense.

The basic principle by which "gossip" should be defined is the principle of loving other persons as we love ourselves, and only speaking about them as we would wish ourselves to be spoken of behind our backs.

As a teenager, I was sitting among a number of my Christian friends and we were discussing a certain Christian celebrity. Many of the comments that were made were of a negative sort, and the first negative comments aroused the group's appetite for more, until nothin but criticisms of this brother were being verbalized. Finally, one sister (who had remained silent during the discussion) spoke up and said, "Gee! I wonder what you guys say about ME when I am not here!"

It was an excellent point. If these people had no scruples about circulating negative reports about an absent Christian brother, what possible ground could anyone have for trusting them with sensitive information behind his/her back?

Several years ago, some of my Christian friends were sitting in a coffee shop when one of them began to speak critically of a brother who did not happen to be present. Only a few sentences into this gossip, one of the men at the table interrupted him and said, "I'm sorry, but I consider that person to be a friend of mine, though I don't know him well. I would rather not hear anything negative about him without him being here to defend himself, because it might affect the way I think about him and damage our relationship." The gossip ended abruptly.

The above two anecdotes stick in my mind as examples of what a friend of mine calls "cutting off the tale of the talebearer." We should not only be careful not to become guilty of gossip, but we should have the guts to speak up against it when we hear it. This is, of course, nothing more or less than what we would wish someone to do for us, if we were the victims of such backbiting.

To avoid gossip—

1) Break the habit of filling your conversations with anecdotes and criticisms of other people. There are many other interesting things, and more edifying things (Eph.4:29), to communicate;

2) When considering saying something about another person, first ask yourself the following questions:

"Is this negative?"

"Is this really necessary?"

"Is this the kind of thing I would want someone to report about me?"

"If this person learns that I told this story about him/her, will they be upset?"

"Is my motive in telling this information to edify my hearer spiritually, or simply to gain a reputation of being (like a TV news network) 'first with the juicy story'?"

According to James, the inability to control the tongue is a sure proof that one's religious profession is useless and empty (James 1:26). Conquering this monster would be an admirable assignment to place at the top of our list of priorities.

[Guest]

Steve,

What would be your opinion on repenting and making reparations to someone you may have caught yourself "gossiping" about? I've heard it said that it's like taking a feather pillow to the top of a windy mountain and ripping it open, and then trying to go collect all the feathers again.

I know it's better not to do it in the first place, but I hardly know a single person that doesn't get caught up in this sin at some point, and some people quite regularly. If we have offended someone by gossip, I think that Jesus would have us repair that relationship before we "offer our gift" to Him. The question is, how would someone recall all those past offenses and make up for them?

[Guest]

Ok so what do we say/do if a person is in the act of gossip, do we walk away or say something?
I pray I have learned from this post!
Forgive me, Lord.