The divorce of two unbelievers

[Guest]

I'm hoping that someone here can give me some advice. I have a family member who is married and neither he or his wife are Christians. They are on the brink of divorce and it is no secret in the family that it is likely going to happen very soon. If they were Christians I would have little doubt about whether their actions would be sinful or not. However, they are not. I'm know that in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul teaches that if a believer is married to a unbeliever, and the unbeliever desires to leave that they should let them go.

7:12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.
7:13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.
7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
7:15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

But what if both parties are unbelievers? Are they still free to leave?

Any clarity on this would be greatly appreciated.

God bless,
Robin

[Guest]

It's still sinful to break a commitment whether you're a Christian or not. To say otherwise, we'd have to say that unbelievers are free to steal and lie. Each person will still be accountable to God for their actions and inactions.

As for the legitimacy of their marriage and/or divorce. I'd say the following. A first marriage (on both sides) is valid before God whether the couple is Christian or not. If they are getting divorced without biblical grounds, then the divorce is illegitimate in God's eyes whether they are Christians or not. In this case, it is still sinful for them to break the marriage covenant, but it is not surprising since we wouldn't have expected unbelievers to behave by God's standards.

If neither of them ever becomes a believer, the legitimacy of the divorce will never become an issue since they'll be 'lost' in any case. Hopefully, though, one or both of them will eventually become a believer. If one of them becomes a believer, I believe he/she would have an obligation to attempt reconciliation. If the yet unbelieving partner is unwilling, then the new believer is released from the marriage covenant. If the unbeliever is willing to reconcile, good.

If, however, the yet unbeliever is involved in a different sexual relationship, that constitutes adultery (assuming the divorce didn't occur on biblical grounds) and then legitimate divorce (in God's eyes) is an option.

That's my understanding

[Guest]

Thanks for your reply Mattrose. I still have an unresolved question and perhaps you answered it and I just don’t understand. It seems that Paul taught that if a Christian were married to an unbeliever, that a legal divorce would not have to include adultery but simply that the unbeliever wants out. If this is the case for believers, and two unbelievers are married and one wants out, are the unbelievers held to a standard that Christians are not? Any additional clarity would be appreciated.

God bless,
Robin

[Guest]

It's still sinful to break a commitment whether you're a Christian or not.

That is true, Matt. However, many people enter into a legal marriage with no lifelong commitment, indeed, even with the understanding that the marriage will be temporary.

I'll never forget talking with a fellow who was about to get married. He was a former pupil of mine. I congratulated him, and wished him the best in marriage. He thanked me, and then said, "Oh well. If it doesn't work out we can always get divorced." This man was thinking about divorce even before he got legally married.

So, I'm wondering. If two people have entered into legal marriage without a life-long commitment, are they married at all in God's eyes? Are they among those whom "God has joined together"? So if their "marriage" is meaningless, isn't their "divorce" meaningless also? Isn't their "marriage" a legal term for their cohabitation? And isn't their "divorce" a legal term for their separation?

If there's any sin in such a case, I doubt that it's in the "divorce". I think it more likely lies in their "marriage" without commitment.

[Guest]

Here's the deal as I see it. What difference does it make to those outside of Christ whether it is called a sin or not? Its true that pain and suffering are experienced by both the good and the bad just as the rain falls both on the good and evil but in the eyes of God the sin of divorce is not the issue. Lost without Christ is still lost without Christ. The world does the works of their father the Devil. Now, I am not being harsh and this is certainly not the point of my response. I am simply pointing out that our concern for those outside of Christ is not whether one thing is a sin or not but rather that they need the One who covered all sin.

We believers, on the otherhand refrain from sin (we're supposed to work at that) not to gain favor with God nor to earn our salvation but to put on Christ. There is no light in darkness. The world, that is those who are outside of Christ, are already condemned. One sin did it and you name it what that sin is. It is different with everyone. So whether it is divorce or a lie or stealing candy from a baby, these all show a reprobate heart and one that needs a Savior. In God's perfect judgement these are the reason God sent His Son.

So, no matter how hard it is when those we love make poor judgement, the answer is not whether it is a sin nor that they should stop sinning but rather that they need the one and only One who placed Himself before God as the perfect sacrifice. God no longer looks at us but now for those who are in Christ are seen by the Father through Christ.

Does that make sense?

[Guest]

Allyn,

Does that make sense?

It does. Thank you for your insightful words.

Padion,
I agree with you on your point about commitment to marraige in the first place. It would certainly seem that many today don't enter into a life-long contract, but rather one that fills a temperary need, and can be cast away when the benefits of the contract don't out weigh the negatives. It is a sad state of affairs.

Robin

[Guest]

Hi Robin,

Quite honestly, I don't believe Paul was too concerned with the actions of unbelievers (1Cor 5:12), his epistles were written to believers. I would not make a biblical appeal to an unbeliever about the sinfulness of divorce, because they don't buy it.

Having said that, I would express concern to anyone that if there's children involved, there's going to be their immense (and damaging) suffering in this divorce to think about. That matters (at least a little) to most people, even unbelievers.

Also, there is the fact that those who divorce are betraying the trust of everyone that was at their wedding giving approval to the marriage and everyone who has offered them support throughout the years. And then there are those who are close to them now who will be unfairly thrust in the position of having to choose sides (although, that doesn't seem to matter to most people anymore because we've become so accustomed to it.)

Self-sacrifice, persistance, and keeping one's promise are still considered virtues in this world, whether one is a believer or not. The appeal for unbelievers not to divorce is not that it's less than Christian, it's that it's less than human.

Lord bless you bro. I know this must be hard for you to watch your loved ones splitting apart like this.

[Guest]

Thanks for your reply Mattrose. I still have an unresolved question and perhaps you answered it and I just don’t understand. It seems that Paul taught that if a Christian were married to an unbeliever, that a legal divorce would not have to include adultery but simply that the unbeliever wants out. If this is the case for believers, and two unbelievers are married and one wants out, are the unbelievers held to a standard that Christians are not? Any additional clarity would be appreciated.

God bless,
Robin

Yes, Paul allowed that IF an unbeliever wished to divorce a believing spouse, the believer should grant the divorce. To me, that is common sense and fits with the passage about not being unequally yoked. But 2 unbelievers ARE equally yoked, so I don't think the same principle applies. But like we said, unbelievers don't care about biblical principles anyways.

[Guest]

Thank you Christopher and Mattrose, This really has helped me clear up some of my own thoughts.

God bless,
Robin

[Guest]

Matt, that's a twist I never thought of before but it is true.