Porn addiction as adultery?

[Guest]

My wife and I have friends who moved away some time ago, and the husband has gradually fallen away from the faith. He's now a professed agnostic.

He has long struggled with pornography and masturbation. Before his recent faith lapse, he was diligent in seeking help from groups at church, or even with Christian Counselors. But since he has left the faith, he's been spiraling into more and more "acting out" (we're talking about weekly/daily occurrences). His wife has tried to be patient and longs for him to stop his behavior and come back to Christ.

He doesn't think there's a problem and sometimes even throws back at her that he doesn't criticize her weight, so she shouldn't criticize him for his issues. Yeah...very mature. Her retellings of the arguments on this issue reveal a bit of verbal/psychological abuse on his part.

He's also made it clear that short of her divorcing him, he's content to keep things as they are. Does this qualify as "content to dwell" under 1 Corinthians 7:13?

13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.

Or does his "addiction" rise to the level of adultery?

One of my thoughts on the situation has to do with the raising of their three kids. At this point he's not necessarily affecting their religious upbringing (largely leaving that to his wife). But at some point, his kids will ask questions, and he's made it clear he'll give "honest" answers (meaning he'll reveal his lack of faith). Also, he has two sons, and I worry that his behavoir will adversely affect them as they grow up.

Any advice for our friend? She doesn't want to divorce, but she's also not content to "leave things as they are". What options does she have?

Thanks.

[Guest]

Hi Seth,

I'm not sure if I understand your question or not, but I'll give it a try ....

In my opinion the porn qualifies as a reason for the wife to take some steps to get help for the marriage - not necessarily a divorce. I believe that she has every right to request from her husband a higher standard. If he refuses, there are many steps that she can take - long before a divorce is even considered. For example, she can ask a trusted male friend to talk with him about it.

If he refuses to listen then she can begin to set boundaries - or consequences - for his behavior. For example, she can explain to him that his behavior is unacceptable, and that if he continues she will - (fill in the blank). If he continues to act out then she must hold to those boundaries so he experiences the consequences of his actions. Sometimes people react very positively to consequences - and she may win him back.

Regarding "adultery" - Jesus didn't use that word for a reason for divorce. In Matt 5:32, He used a word that is translated in the Greek "porneia." It is generally translated fornication, and might be mean various kinds of sexual sin. Porn *might* fit the word Jesus used. But, as I mentioned, I think that there are many steps that can be taken before divorce is even brought up.

peace,

dane

[Guest]

Thanks, dane, and you apparently understood my question quite well...sorry if I was unclear. Thanks for the clarification on the Greek. I, too, think it *might* fit the definition, but I hardly think Internet Porn was an angle the Lord's original hearers would have thought of...

She's already told him that if he doesn't stop and won't seek help, he needs to move out. He's refused and told her that short of her divorcing him, he's not planning on changing. She's also trying the "respected male friend" route with some of his mentors. Nothing's come of that yet, but there's hope.

Again, thanks for helping out.