What is Bible's view of marrying stepmother?

[DanielGracely]

A question primarily for Steve, but it's okay if someone besides wants to comment.

This has been a head-scratcher for me for some time. I was once told that a female aquaintance had married the son of her husband after she was widowed. Apparently it was the son's idea. Just wondering if the O.T. command against this kind of pairing is relevant for today. If so, does this mean the marriage isn't a marriage, etc.?

Lev. 18:8 The nakedness of thy father's wife shalt thou not uncover: it [is] thy father's nakedness.

Does this apply even if the father is dead?

[steve]

I believe it does apply to marriage to one's stepmother, even after the father has died. That is the scenario that I understand to have raised Paul's indignation in 1 Corinthians 5:1-3. I could be wrong. The man in Corinth may have been committing adultery with his stepmother while the father was still married to her. Paul's wording could apply to either scenario. The Corinthians themselves were familiar with the details of the case in question.

Paul did say that a widow may marry anyone she wishes, "only in the Lord" (1 Cor.7:39). However, he may have been assuming that his readers knew there would be some common-decency exclusions (e.g., nobody believes that a widow could marry her own son or her own brother, even if both are Christians). I think the statement in Leviticus defines a certain respect for one's father, and a certain indecency about moving into the position that was exclusively and intimately his.

While I believe this to be true, I am not 100% sure, which makes it difficult to know whether or what form of repentance is required, and what course of discipline should be taken by the church. The laws about unlawful marriage unions (Lev.18:6), it might be argued, were not applicable at all times, as are universal, moral issues, since many of those marriage prohibitions were violated, without protest from God, by biblical patriarchs, prior to their being prohibited. Also, all of Adam and Eve's children were required to violate them by the very circumstances of God having made only one original pair. Again, while marrying one's brother's wife was generally forbidden (Lev.18:16), it was actually required in the special circumstances of the levirite marriage (e.g., Deut.25:5). These facts raise questions about the universal moral applicability of such laws.

[DanielGracely]

Thanks, Steve.

[Jepne]

1Cor. 5.1 ¶ It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father’s wife.

All the translations I have say "the father's wife" - not the father's widow.
". . .has his father's wife" - looks like they are living together somewhere, not 'in the Lord' or married.

If a husband is dead, the wife is free to marry in the Lord, and if it is to her stepson who is in the Lord, I cannot see that it would be disrespectful to the father for the son to marry her and take care of her.

If they marry 'in the Lord' and their motive is right, I should think it would be very much a legitimate marriage in the eyes of God. I can't see how the Law would enter into it. Jepne

[Erik]

The Bible doesn't really address "blended families" directly. But I think the issue goes beyond genetics.

If the woman truly served as the boy's mother for any length of time, then to him she has become a parent in more than name. What if he was only 3 when his own mother died and his father remarried, and at 18 his father dies and he wants to marry his stepmother?

I speak on a first-name basis with people of all ages, even people older than my parents. But I do not call my parents by their first names. They receive a deference and respect from me (even if talking to them about their errors) that no one else does. There is a permanent debt of care that I owe them for the rest of their lives. We are *not* peers. They changed my diapers and tolerated my tantrums and disciplined me.

So if even just a little of the respect, authority, and other aspects of the parent/child relationship have been formed, how can it be right for these people to marry?

A couple must be on even, equal footing to have a healthy relationship. The kind of mutual self-abandonment to each other required for healthy and fulfilling sexual intimacy seems quite incompatible with the parent/child relationship dynamic. "Honor your mother" seems to apply to a stepmother and thus would exclude sex with her. It even seems to me that this could be called "unequally yoked."

Now if the stepmother never did serve as the boy's parent, I still hesitate because to me it has the appearance of evil. "He married his stepmother" gives one great pause, and leaves one with an uneasy feeling even after deciding that it could be okay. For the couple to have to conceal this or repeatedly explain and justify "but she was never really a mother to me" leaves one wondering at the actual facts.

Ultimately it just doesn't seem like a good Christian witness to me.

Last, less important, if there is a large age difference then such a union may simply be unwise even if not wrong.

So like Steve I can't say that such a thing is absolutely always wrong, but I am sure that in many cases it is. And in most it is probably very unwise.

[Paidion]

Okay, I have another scenario for those who are queasy about marrying one's stepmother.

When I attended Bible School, one of the boys courted a girl and they became engaged to be married. However, a short time before the wedding, the girl was drowned in a boating accident. So the boy and the girl's mother grieved for awhile, but later married each other. Do you queasy folks have any problem with that?

[steve]

I don't. Not on a moral basis, anyway...unless he had slept with his girlfriend before she died. The law forbade a man to marry a woman and her daughter also. It does seem strange, though, given the great age difference.