Marriage of a Christian and non-Christian forbidden?

[Erik]

Could someone lay out the Biblical grounds for the idea that a Christian may not marry a non-Christian?

I recently told someone that the Bible forbids this and received this reply:

except that no one really knows what the hell writers meant when they wrote it and thus some very conservative types would agree with you, while many others would not. At least for Catholics, it's discouraged but not forbidden -- see HERE.

While there is some relevant material in Steve's What Is Marriage and Divorce and Remarriage, none of it specifically addresses the "unequally yoked" topic or goes into great detail about the implications of marriage being supposed to represent Christ and the church.

31 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Some more elaboration of all the reasons for believing marriage is to reflect Christ and the church, and why this kind of marriage is not only totally against loyalty to Christ but is super foolish as well would be appreciated.

I remember Steve talking about this on the radio show, but of course have no idea what the date was to try and look it up.

Thank you!

P.S. My brief answer was going to be:

There definitely is some disagreement, but I don't think it's only *very* conservative types. If someone is a Christian it means they follow Christ and their loyalty to Christ comes first above all else in life. Given "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. it seems that marriage between a Christian a non-Christian contravenes this stated purpose.

But I don't think that's convincing enough.

[Suzana]

Hi Erik,

I had a similar question quite a while ago & the following was Steve's response: (I can't find it using search now, I think it was on the old forum; luckily I saved it, hope it's helpful) -

We tend to take everything Paul said as a command, and it is probably the safest policy to do so. However, Paul sometimes said that he was giving "advice" (2 Cor.8:10), and sometimes he was expressing his opinion or "judgment"—especially on issues related to marriage decisions (1 Cor.7:25, 40).



It is hard to say whether the exhortation not to be "unequally yoked" was intended as a divine command, so that its violation would be a sin (as, for example, his instructions about order in the church, in 1 Cor.14:37, are said to be). When Paul says not to be unequally yoked, he reasons from what we might call common sense—"what do light and darkness have in common," etc. This might lead to the conclusion that Paul is merely arguing for the reasonableness of his "suggestion," rather than from the authority of a commandment of God. On the other hand, he does also say, "what agreement does the temple of God have with idols? For you are the temple of the living God..." This seems to argue from the standpoint of covenantal faithfulness and purity.



I think that a Christian who desires to marry a non-Christian is wrong-headed in several ways:

1) He/she is assuming self-ownership, rather than seeing himself/herself as God's sanctified temple and Christ's purchased possession—and thus obliged to follow God's plan for marriage, not one's own desires; 



2) He/she is short-sighted, not realizing that a religiously divided home is being created for the rearing of their children. It is hard enough to rear godly children in this seductive world, even when both parents are pulling together for Christ. When one is apathetic or hostile toward Christ, it greatly reduces the likelihood of winning the children to radical commitment to the Lord; 



3) The choice reveals that Christ is not everything to that Christian that He is supposed to be. If a person's life is completely dedicated to doing the will of God and serving Christ, where is there any overlap between that person's life and the life of a person to whom Christ means nothing? I have never been able to comprehend how anyone who loves Jesus as he/she should could ever contemplate—even for a moment—forming anything other than a Christ-centered home;



4) While there are cases of Christians winning over their non-Christian spouses, these cases are the minority among unequally yoked couples, and one who hopes to beat the odds is gambling in a game where the stakes are incredibly high, and the odds not good;



5) There is direct instruction in scripture forbidding marriage of a Christian to a non-Christian (1 Cor.7:39). If one is willing to ignore God's word on such a major decision, what grounds are there for believing that that Christian will honor God's instructions in any other area of life. In a home where one spouse is no Christian, and the other is a professing Christian, but willing to violate God's instructions whenever they are undesirable to obey, where is the spiritual backbone going to come from that will influence the children toward God? 



When one is this wrong-headed with respect to Christian values, it is very difficult to imagine what grounds one has for wearing the label of Christian at all. Doesn't the label refer to a disciple of Jesus Christ?



Can such a couple end up happy together? Possibly, so long as the one calling him/herself a Christian never decides to get serious about the things of God. If that should happen, and he/she should wake up to the fact that they are trapped in a bond formed in disobedience to God, I would think that the regrets could greatly dampen the happiness of the marriage. 


On the other hand, God may turn it to good. The spouse may be converted, and the children may grow up to embrace an uncompromising Christian discipleship. Who can say? They might also win the lottery.

_________________
In Jesus, 
Steve


[Erik]

Thank you.

I came across the 1 Cor 7:39 in other searches, but some people said that the meaning of it is ambiguous. I wonder if someone could shed light on the various takes on "only in the Lord" (I used the ESV) and the support for the interpretation that this means to only marry a Christian.

I of course completely agree with Steve but would like to cover all the expected resistance in advance.