OSAS and my Wife's struggle

[Guest]

I'm writing for some help on how to counsel my wife who has struggled of late with the security of her soul. Having rejected "Once Saved Always Saved" over three years ago, I passed on my understanding to her and she quickly embraced it.

What she fears is that, because she still struggles with certain sins, this could potentially lead to a hardening of heart, which could lead to a departure from Christ (Hebrews 3). She understands that unbelief is the only thing that can separate the believer from Christ, but she sees sin as a conduit to unbelief. Hence, she is fearful that her current struggle with sin could lead to a departure from Christ.

What she really wants is assurance that this could never happen to her, and that God will save her from herself. I'm not sure I can affirm this, biblically speaking. I have hammered home the point that our relationship with Christ is not based on works and that God is extremely longsuffering toward us even when we do sin. Yet, this does not seem to suffice because she doesn't want to worry that there is even the slightest chance that she could potentially fall away some day. She is a great Godly lady and I don't want her to continue to struggle in this way.

She attended a conference this weekend and a speaker made the point (erroneously I believe) that all her future sins are forgiven today. And that she does not need to feel guilty (of course I do affirm this). She said that she felt freedom from this teaching- a freedom that had not been present beforehand.

How can an Arminian (Free-will proponent) provide assurance? What benefits are there to believing the Arminian position in this way over the Calvinist? Why is it that we should NOT live in fear today if we know tomorrow that our heart's could be hardened, leading to a falling away from God?

Thanks,
Brian

[Guest]

hi brian..

i too was once a OSAS proponent but not any longer.

it is my understanding, and belief, that if your wife is worried about losing her salvation then she is not in danger of losing it. to me, apostasy is a willful turning away from Jesus. if she is concerned about this happening, then i do not see how she could willfully turn away.

this may be too simplistic but i think it is correct.

in other words, i dont think "falling away" is something that just happens to us. falling away requires volition on our part. could our hearts be hardened to the point where we renounce Christ, if not in word then in deed? possibly yes. but i think we have to allow our hearts to be hardened. it doesnt just happen.

it seems that the only type of Christian who would want to fall away is one who has lost all faith. perhaps someone who goes through a terrible tragedy may lost faith in God. i don't know. i really think it would be very hard to fall away.

TK

[Guest]

Hi Brian,

Have you considered using your marriage as a parallel comparison? Maybe you could ask her if she fears that she will someday choose to divorce you? If not, how does she plan on gaining security in that? I think she would say something like...."always keep lines of communication open"...."be willing to admit when I'm wrong and say I'm sorry"...."Do things that she knows will please you"....etc. etc.

It's kind of the same way with God IMO. We have a relationship with Him like that of Father/Child and in some respects, even like a marriage.

Incidentally, I actually think the bible encourages a healthy level of fear of God. Paul said:

Rom 11:22
...consider the goodness and severity of God
NKJV

You have my prayers bro.

Lord bless.

[Guest]

It's funny. I'm doing a Bible study on OSAS tomorrow.

I love Christopher's analogy and I'm gonna use that tomorrow (if that's okay brother).

Brian, also, keep reminding your wife that God's on our side!! He's for us, not against us. He's not some grumpy head-teacher with a chip on his shoulder, itching for His students to slip-up so as to expel them from school. On the contrary, He is a loving and gracious Father who love sus so much thatHe sent His only begotten Son to die for us and He seeks the very best for our lives.

It also sounds like she needs to trust less in herself and more in God. In a sense, God will indeed save her from herself, if by that we mean that by trusting in and relying on God's power, Christians have power over sin.

Definitely saying a prayer for you both.

in Christ,
Ely

[Guest]

I'd like to add that condemnation is from the devil and "there is no condemnation in Christ" and perhaps she may be condeming herself which would please Satan. Christ also said to forgive others or our Father will not forgive us yet he also said "do unto others as we would do unto ourselves" therefore we must forgive ourselves.

[Guest]

Christopher,

Excellent advice!

[Guest]

Perhaps the following will help:

Christian Security
Written by Guest Author Keith Drury

Can a Christian stop being a Christian? Would God disown one of His children? Did Judas go to heaven? Once you are saved are you always saved?

There are two general views here.

UNCONDITIONAL SECURITY

This view is that once you are saved you are always saved--nothing can ever end your relationship with God. The extreme view of unconditional security runs something like this:

"When I become a Christian I am adopted into the family of God based on Christ's death, and not on anything whatsoever that I have done. I can't save myself, only God can do this. When I was saved I was born into God's family. I did nothing to birth myself--God did it all. And I can do nothing to keep being a son or daughter--I have that right by birth, not behavior. There is nothing I could do which would make me quit being a son or daughter. Nothing whatsoever that I can do could separate me from God' love. I am a child of God by birth."

"True, I might get out of fellowship with God. I might even wander off into the far country like the prodigal son did. But even in a distant land of disobedience I am still a son. Just a son out of fellowship with the father. My relationship with God is fixed for all eternity, and even if I spit in the face of God I would still be His son. Once a son always a son. If I become a Christian as a teen, then drop out of all religious things for thirty years, living a life full of sin, then decide to get right with God again, this group calls it a "recommitment" not salvation, since they believe that I was a Christian all that time, just out of fellowship."

To those who believe unconditional security, nothing could make a Christian lose their salvation. If a little boy prays to receive Christ in a Good News Club at eight years old, he is permanently grafted into God's family. This sonship is permanent and unalterable no matter what he does from then on. If that little boy grows up to live a life full of drunkenness, drugs, immorality, rape, and murder, he still goes to heaven, for his salvation is not based at all on anything he did or does--but totally on what God did for him on the cross. This is the radical view of unconditional security. When a person is justified it is once for all. All the convert's sins--past, present, and future--are forgiven. So future sin is irreverent to his salvation--they have all been forgiven in advance 2000 years ago. As far as his salvation goes, sin is irrelevant.

People off this side of the road don't need to worry much about sin in their lives--they can simply rejoice that "there is therefore now no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus." Being in Christ is irrevocable insurance--the premiums were all paid in advance by Jesus death.

In its most radical forms, unconditional security proponents will argue that if the Lord returned today there would be thousands of people raptured right out of the arms of a prostitutes or gay lovers, for their salvation is not based at all on any behavior, but only on something which happened in the courts of heaven.

This radical form of unconditional security follows a path far off the road on the left. But there is a path far off on the other side too.

ETERNAL INSECURITY

These folk steer off the other side of the road, constantly anxious about their own salvation. They disbelieve unconditional security so much that they practice eternal insecurity. They believe "one sin and you're out" of God's family. This sort of insecurity leads to spiritual hypochondria as people constantly check their pulse to see if they're still spiritually alive.

If these eternally insecure people slip into sin, they feel they have to get born again, again...and again, and again. One single slip is grounds for expulsion from God's family. Any thought, word, or deed which is disobedient breaks the relationship with God and will damn the individual.

People on this insecurity path are never sure. They are not sure that they are in or out today, so they turn morbidly introspective trying to eliminate any vestige of wrong thoughts, words, or deeds. They reason that if they live a perfect life, totally free from any sin, then they will be saved.

Their mistake is focusing on themselves instead of Jesus, as if all responsibility for staying saved is theirs and God is somehow looking for an opportunity to kick them out of the family. In their preoccupation with human effort they are more humanist than Christian.

Both sides of the road are extremes, those who argue for unconditional security, and those who are eternally insecure about their salvation.

IS THERE A MIDDLE GROUND?

Perhaps, try these thoughts for starters...

1. God's love IS unconditional.

There is nothing that can separate us from God's love. In fact, God's love was extended to us while we were still sinners...even while we were yet unborn! There is nothing...nothing I can do to make God quit loving me. He can't not love me. His love is both unconditional and irrevocable. And it's not based in any way whatsoever on what I do. God loves because God is love.

2. My relationship with God is conditional.

While His love is unconditional, my relationship with God is two-way. Love can be unilateral. A relationship, however, is bilateral. For instance, I could insist that nothing my wife could ever do would change my love--I love her unconditionally and irrevocably, yet a true relationship is two-way. What if she were to walk out on me, and run off with another man, totally rejecting me and everything I stood for? Would I still love her? Yes, I could love her, if my love were unconditional. But would we still have a relationship? That's another question.

A relationship is bilateral--"it takes two." Love can go one way, but a relationship is two-way. Relationships are ongoing dynamic sort of things which take two (at least partially) willing persons. Someone might argue that this immoral wife still had some legal standing with her husband, but most of us would admit that a pattern of continual and repeated purposeful acts of rebellion would end the two-way-ness of the relationship. My love might live on...but my marriage relationship would be dead. Relationships are not unilateral.

3. But Christians have great security.

A two-way relationship does not mean that Christians have little security. On the contrary, the security of a believer is exceptionally high--almost absolute. The chances of a real believer walking away from God in rebellion and losing his own soul are remote. Remote, yet possible. There is no state of grace we can reach where we could not of our own free will decide to reject God and finally lose our own soul.

But the chances of a real Christian eventually losing his own soul are slim. Why? Because "His seed remains within us." At conversion we experienced a sort of "spiritual gene splicing." God's nature was planted inside us. We received a tendency to be Godly. Sure, it is possible for us to disobey Him. But spiritual rebellion--the hardened set-chin spiritual defiance which breaks a relationship--is a very unlikely happening for a truly born again Christian.

A continual pattern of purposeful premeditated disobedience will indeed eventually harden into an attitude of rebellion and defiance which can break off our two-way relationship with God. But the likelihood of you doing this is low. Rather, you have a great security in Christ. High security. Immense security. Almost unconditional--but not quite.

4. Our daily relationship with God is the better focus.

The relationship we have with God is ongoing and dynamic, not only a legal covenant established long ago. The middle of the road regarding security focuses on a daily developing walk with God, not just a once-for-all event occurring years ago. Like a marriage, our daily relationship with God is quite as important as the initiating event. The marriage is quite as important as the wedding.

The practical middle of the road approach is to focus on a daily growing walk with God where the issue of security need never come up. Are you developing a loving growing bilateral marriage relationship? If so, the chances of such a relationship dissolving are remote. Are you developing a loving growing bilateral relationship with God? If so, the chances of such a relationship dissolving are also remote.

The security is not just in the initiating event--wedding or conversion. It is in a growing loving relationship. And, the best news yet: God is even more forbearing than your spouse!

[Guest]

Fellow saints,

I do really appreciate all your help. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. I am at work right now so I won't be able to comment any further. Tonight, I will look over the comments again and respond back if I have any further questions.

Thanks,
Brian

[Guest]

Hello Brian,

Hope I can help or rather that it is no longer needed.

Very often the best judge of a persons condition, other than the Lord, is the person themself.

Whether one has been filled with the Holy Spirit before or not, the solution is be filled now.

I suggest Romans ch.7 on, if having been filled with the spirit in the past.

If the Holy Spirit is uncomfortable with the condition of ones heart then He will let us know, and to consider using the assurances of salvation or the possability of being lost as the remedy will not always provide relief from the situation.

(Acts 9:17 ) And Ananias went his way and entered the house; and laying his hands on him he said, "Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you came, has sent me that you may receive your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit."

Arthur.

[Guest]

Brian,

I think alot of good advice has been given here.. and you probably don't need to read this, but..

I think TK is right on. People with hard hearts don't care! It sounds like you wife has a very soft heart.

in Him,
Les