Marraige Question

[Guest]

My son (Luke) and his Fiancé (Monique) have plans to get married here in the near future. Both are in Christ and are sound in their belief in Christ and love for each other. The issue is that her parents have come out strongly against the marriage.

Her parents attend and are active in their church. I do not know them personally, but know of them thru mutual friends. They are church goers, but there’s allot of marital strife and other issues in the home. My attempt to have a relationship with them has been unsuccessful. When my son or his fiancé’ have discussed marriage with them, the results are the parents yelling and screaming, and recently they have told her they will not consider her part of the family if she moves forward with the marriage. My understanding is that the Father is very authoritarian and the mother is bitter due to her unhappiness in the marriage.

Luke and Monique are 20 years old and in my opinion are very mature for their age. They have received advice from several trusted Christians including their Pre-marriage counselor and youth pastors. All are saying they are old enough to make this decision and that her parents are unreasonable and their advice is not godly because of their actions are not loving. In light of Ephesians 6, I’m not sure what advice to give them. I’m reluctant to say it’s ok for them to be disobedient to Monique’s parents and my desire (with much prayer) is to support them in their decision to move forward with their.

Advice is welcome.

[Guest]

hi brian--

is their young age the only issue for the children (apart from the marital issues with her parents)?

TK

[Guest]

Not the only issue. As I understand their position, they want their daughter to complete College first so if something happens to their marriage she will be able to support herself. They want her to be on her own for awhile to better develop herself as an independent person. Monique’s mother has stated numerous times that Luke is just like Monique’s father personality wise and doesn’t want her to make the same mistake she made (whatever that means).

In the past 9 months, Luke has had lunch with Monique’s father to discuss marriage with his daughter. His response was that Luke needed to meet with both of Monique’s parents and than proceeded for 3 months to refuse to meet because he didn’t have time. Finally when they did meet, Monique’s father said they were legal old enough decide for themselves but he would not support it. During that discussion, Monique’s parent got into a yelling match because he said that. Since that time, they’ve refused to talk with Luke at all, saying that they have nothing to say to him (until last night). Monique has tried to talk to her mom and it always results in her mother screaming “it’s not God’s will” etc…. “God told me that he’s wrong for you”…

I have yet to hear a biblical reason for them to stand against the marriage. As of Last night, Monique’s Father flat out told Luke that he has never liked him…

By the way, I successfully contacted Monique’s dad today. Monique’s Parents, my wife and I will be having Lunch next Monday. I’m very hopeful of my discussion with them. I’d like to here first hand what their issues are.

[Guest]

thx for the additional details-- i know Luke is your son, but is there anything specifically in regard to his character that they dont like?

this is a tough one-- but they are rather young, and getting married against the bride's parents will is not a great way to start out. it would likely cause problems in their marriage, which would be challenging even if both sets of parents gave their full blessing.

i believe that Monique must honor her father and her mother. i am not sure how far this goes, however, since she is an adult.

TK

[Guest]

That's just it. Not sure if they, her parents, are "in Christ", and not sure if that should matter in regard to Ephesians 6:1. Other circumstances of interest. Her parents are not supporting her. Luke is paying for her College, providing her spending money, and providing her a cell phone for them to communicate. Parents are providing no financial support.

But should that matter?

Confusing questions for them and me.

[Guest]

i'll pray for your meeting next week. maybe some issues can be resolved.

God bless,

TK

[Guest]

Thanks TK. I appreciate your time and your prayers.

[Guest]

Brian T,
I just wanted to say that I'll be praying for you, your son, and his fiance as well. What a tough situation!

[Guest]

The meeting with Monique's Parents went about as I had expected. Pretty much along the lines of Monique's parents telling me of my son's flaws and of their daughter's immaturity. I listened and responded where my opinion may have made a difference. As evidenced throughout the rest of last week, Monique’s Parents did not soften with there stance.

Luke and Monique were married in San Francisco Friday afternoon without her parents blessing. Monique will be coming back to Missouri today and will finish out her fall semester at College here. They will have a formal Wedding with Friends and Family in December and Monique will go back to Ca with Luke after that. Wow, what a week. Still much work to be done in forgiveness and restoration of relationships. I'm praying that God will work in the hearts of all concerned to accomplish this.

Thanks’ for your prayers.

[Guest]

Hi Brian, For whatever it's worth i don't think Eph 1 refers to this kind of situation and Eph 6.4 says "Father's do not exasperate your children." Monique's parents may go to church but at least to me it sounds like their hearts are very much in the world.