Misrepresented sexual past

RStephenB
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Misrepresented sexual past

Post by RStephenB » Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:14 am

I recall that the bible indicated divorce was allowed when a husband discovered that his wife was sexually active before they were married. Now I can't seem to find it. Does the bible OK divorce if a husband finds out after he's married that his wife was sleeping with another man before they were married?

This is an issue that is being debated at our church. I feel that if a woman (or man) lied to their spouse-to-be about their sexual past, that is basically adultery. The exact instance is that a woman claimed to have not had any sexual relations for two years prior to her becoming engaged to a Christian man. After they got married she admits she was having a sexual relationship with another man, and only ceased when she started dating the Christian. She never disclosed this, and lied about it to him before they were married. It came out later when she confessed to it- by accident.

Thoughts, verses?

Singalphile
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Re: Misrepresented sexual past

Post by Singalphile » Tue Feb 25, 2014 7:45 am

In the laws for Israel, divorce was apparently not against the law, generally speaking, as far as I can tell.

You might be thinking of these passages:
Deuteronomy 24:1-5 (NASB)
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency [or nakedness] in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, 2 and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God gives you as an inheritance.
Deuteronomy 22:13-21 (NASB)
13 “If any man takes a wife and goes in to her and then turns against her, 14 and charges her with shameful deeds and publicly defames her, and says, ‘I took this woman, but when I came near her, I did not find her a virgin,’ ...
20 “But if this charge is true, that the girl was not found a virgin, 21 then they shall bring out the girl to the doorway of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death because she has committed an act of folly in Israel by playing the harlot in her father’s house; thus you shall purge the evil from among you.
Jesus spoke about this.
Matthew 5:31-32 (NASB)
31 It was said, ‘Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce’; 32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 19:8-9 (NASB)
8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
... that all may honor the Son just as they honor the Father. John 5:23

steve7150
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Re: Misrepresented sexual past

Post by steve7150 » Tue Feb 25, 2014 8:49 am

Does the bible OK divorce if a husband finds out after he's married that his wife was sleeping with another man before they were married?











I can't see why. The wife is guilty of lying but has not caused adultery during the marriage which is the only cause of divorce as i understand it. Additionally i think God hates divorce therefore the "Spirit" of marriage in the bible is to try to keep the marriage intact rather then to look for a way out.

RStephenB
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Re: Misrepresented sexual past

Post by RStephenB » Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:26 pm

I agree that pursuing the divorce is not going to glorify God and shouldn't be done.

I recall something basically saying that if after a husband discovers his wife was unchaste before marriage and didn't tell him he could divorce. Not trying to play bible trivia or anything- but I truly recall this. I think it was more in the case of if a woman wasn't a virgin as she let on that she was. I haven't been able to find this reference, but I feel badly that I said that this was there (in my recollection)- not that I'm recommending or urging divorce.

Thanks for replies.

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steve
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Re: Misrepresented sexual past

Post by steve » Tue Feb 25, 2014 1:14 pm

I believe that the passage, Deuteronomy 22:13-21, which Singalphile provided is the one you are remembering. However, the woman was not to be divorced, but stoned, if she was guilty.

Of course, by the Law, Mary should have been stoned for the sin she was presumed to have committed against Joseph, though he did not take that option. One reason, no doubt, was that the Jews were not allowed, under Roman rule, to carry out capital punishment. It would appear that, under the Roman rule, the Jews had allowed divorce of women who, under Jewish sovereignty, would have been executed.

Joseph contemplated divorcing Mary because he was "a just man." It would appear that there is a certain justice in divorcing a woman who had committed acts worthy of death under the Law. Both Mary's supposed sin (adultery) and the sin of a woman who falsely passed herself off to her groom as a virgin carried the death penalty, and, therefore, might be equally considered grounds for divorce.

However, there are principles beyond mere justice—like mercy and forgiveness—that govern the true Christian's conscience. I don't think that even a Christian who has grounds for divorce should ever initiate a divorce unless there are reasons (I can't think of any) that make it absolutely necessary.

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Paidion
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Re: Misrepresented sexual past

Post by Paidion » Tue Feb 25, 2014 1:27 pm

You were probably thinking of the following passage, part of which Singalphile has quoted:

If any man takes a wife and goes in to her and then hates her and accuses her of misconduct and brings a bad name upon her, saying, ‘I took this woman, and when I came near her, I did not find in her evidence of virginity,’ then the father of the young woman and her mother shall take and bring out the evidence of her virginity to the elders of the city in the gate. And the father of the young woman shall say to the elders, ‘I gave my daughter to this man to marry, and he hates her; and behold, he has accused her of misconduct, saying, “I did not find in your daughter evidence of virginity.” And yet this is the evidence of my daughter’s virginity.’ And they shall spread the cloak before the elders of the city. Then the elders of that city shall take the man and whip him, and they shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the father of the young woman, because he has brought a bad name upon a virgin of Israel. And she shall be his wife. He may not divorce her all his days.

But if the thing is true, that evidence of virginity was not found in the young woman, then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones, because she has done an outrageous thing in Israel by whoring in her father’s house. So you shall purge the evil from your midst. (Deut 22:13-21)


Well, I guess having the woman stoned to death is a divorce—a permanent one.
Paidion

Man judges a person by his past deeds, and administers penalties for his wrongdoing. God judges a person by his present character, and disciplines him that he may become righteous.

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steve7150
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Re: Misrepresented sexual past

Post by steve7150 » Tue Feb 25, 2014 1:33 pm

Of course we are now under the New Covenant so these OT texts though informative are not what the Christian follows.

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Paidion
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Re: Misrepresented sexual past

Post by Paidion » Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:26 pm

Of course we are now under the New Covenant so these OT texts though informative are not what the Christian follows.
I should hope not!

However, OT laws were actually brought into the Connecticut legal system, and were known to have been entacted during the seventeenth century.

Go to this site and click on "Read online". You can turn pages simply by clicking on them.

https://openlibrary.org/books/OL1400075 ... de_of_1650
Paidion

Man judges a person by his past deeds, and administers penalties for his wrongdoing. God judges a person by his present character, and disciplines him that he may become righteous.

Avatar shows me at 75 years old. I am now 83.

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Paidion
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Re: Misrepresented sexual past

Post by Paidion » Tue Feb 25, 2014 10:20 pm

Here is one of the Connecticut 1650 laws. (There were such laws at the time in other states also.)
CAPITALL LAWES (p.31)

14. If any man have a stubborne and rebellious sonne of sufficient yeares and understanding, viz. sixteen years of age, which will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and that when they have chastened him will not hearken unto them, then may his father and mother, being naturall parents, lay hold on him and bring him to the Magistrate assembly in Courte, and testifie unto them, that theire sonne is stubborn and rebellious and will not obey their Voice and Chastisement, but lives in sundry notorious Crimes, such a sonne shall be put to death. Deut.21.20,21.
Scriptural references, such as that quoted were placed at the end of the laws.

To have such laws as part of our legal system makes sense if we believe the following:

1. The laws of Moses are God's laws.
2. God and His laws are permanent, and do not change.
3. In order for the Kingdom of God to really exist on earth, God's laws must be incorporated into the legal system of all countries.
Paidion

Man judges a person by his past deeds, and administers penalties for his wrongdoing. God judges a person by his present character, and disciplines him that he may become righteous.

Avatar shows me at 75 years old. I am now 83.

RStephenB
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Re: Misrepresented sexual past

Post by RStephenB » Wed Feb 26, 2014 1:40 am

Thanks, all. Haven't found what I thought I was recalling, but I must be suffering from inaccurate recollections. I agree that divorcing for this reason is wrong.

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