My testimony

[_Derek]

To get an accurate picture of my state of mind at my conversion, I think it's necessary to start way back when I was a little kid. When I was very young, my parents got divorced. I remember little about them together, so aside from what I have been told, I don't know what it was like between them. My Mom was pretty poor financially, so she moved to a sort of run down trailer park on a fishing pond and my Dad stayed at our house. One of my favorite things to do was fish. I am not sure how old I was, but I suppose I was old enough to go ride my bike and fish by myself, when I met this kid who was around 16. He seemed like a nice guy, he showed me how to do some fishing stuff and just hung out with me. Well one day, to make a long story short, he molested me. At the time, I really didn't know what he did was wrong, only that it was, (for obvious reasons), very uncomfortable. I don't remember anything about him; accept that he broke a pair of toy nun chucks that he had previously fixed for me. (I must have liked those things to have held on to that memory all this time!)

I never even thought about what happened until I started going to public school and heard about sex and in particular homosexual sex (in 5th grade in class by a teacher!!). I was obviously confused at this point and began to be angry. I just kept all this inside because I was ashamed and didn't want people to say I was gay. Around 6th or 7th grade I became an atheist. I didn't know that's what I was at the time, but I knew that I didn't believe in God.

My Dad had never been a Christian and tried rather late to make me go to church with him even though I told him I didn't believe in God. This did nothing to help. He had behaved pretty horribly for a while, drinking a lot and being kind of violent, so to try to make me go to church after seeing how he was just reinforced my perception. A teacher named Michael Pearl says that a child (and the world) will despise a religion where the adherents say one thing and do another. When I heard that I could relate. (My Dad is now born again, has turned his life around, and we love and get along with each other fine).

Once I got into high school my Dad and I could no longer get along, so I went to live with my Mom. She was not a Christian and though she was more moral and loving than my Dad was at the time, she was powerless to control a downward spiral that I had begun to go down. I was severely depressed at this time in my life, and as a result of this, and meeting some friends who fit in nicely with my non-conformist personality (which I still have a bit), I found drugs. I found something that I could do that totally took my mind off of the pain that I felt. I was still hurting, but it manifested its self in different ways now. I just gave up caring about life all together and decided that I was just going to have as much fun and feel as good as I could before I died (which I thought probably wouldn’t be long anyway). I did every drug I could get my hands on and drank everyday for a long time, around ten years. I did have music during this time, (I am a guitarist), and I think God may have put guitar in my life to give me just enough to care about to keep me from dieing. Also my Mom never gave up on me. She got it worse than anyone. I would often come (drive) home smashed, and I was always (literally) high on Pot 24hrs a day. I am sure to see your son do this to himself is a horrible thing. She truly loves me. You know for absolute certain that someone loves you when you can treat them the way I treated her, and they still relentlessly love you. Very much a picture of God. I don't know how she managed.

I met my future wife at this time and fell in love with her. We moved in together. She was kind of messed up too, so we were just kind of messed up together. However, when we became adults I think she grew tired of my behavior, but she stuck with me. Thank God.

I pulled it together enough to move to Atlanta and go to music school and sobered up a little during that time. Of course, when I graduated and started playing music for a living, I was right back in the party lifestyle again, probably worse, because now I could legally drink, drugs were everywhere. The audience and other band members always have drugs, and the bars always gave the bands I played in free alcohol so...

Anyway, God began to work a couple of years ago in my life. My mother got saved. She was transformed. She was pretty unhappy and fought with depression throughout her life. God changed all that. She was filled with an obvious peace. Of course I thought she had joined a cult or something. I was beginning to think a bit about spirituality. I read a book called Effortless Mastery that teaches meditation and things like that to achieve mastery over one's instrument. Although now I think of this sort of thing (meditation) as a way to open the door to demonic influence, God, in spite of it, used it to open my eyes to spirituality. I suppose I was an agnostic or something at this time. I argued with my Mom and although she didn't have any super intellectual arguments against my point of view, she was a testimony from God because she was changed. I said the same things everyone says: "I'm glad you found something that makes you happy", "It's great you found something that works for you" (that one's the worst) etc..But God was about to invade my life.

I played in a band that prayed before they went on stage, (I don't think they are Christians-go figure), so I went along with it. God began to pull at my heart during these prayers. It got to a point where I would be driving around and would just know that He was there. I would say "ok! I am trying to think! I am going to come to you, just give me time! He was really there.

I met a guy who gave me Mere Christianity and a video about Rich Mullins. I was floored by both of them. Mere Christianity for obvious reasons. It shook up everything I thought I knew. Lewis' arguments were airtight. There was no denying that you could still think and be a Christian. This video about Rich Mullins really impacted me too. I saw in him the real thing. A guy that made millions and gave most of it away. He was really doing it! He wasn't wearing a suit and tie. He wasn't asking for money, or passing an offering plate. He lived for God all the time. I didn't know (sadly) that Christians did anything for God when it wasn't Sunday. It's so bizarre to think that now, but I really didn't know! Imagine my surprise. A few days after seeing this video I was sitting and thinking, "you know, I would like to have a Bible." Well, I went out to get the mail, and there was a Bible in the mail! My Mom had mailed it to me. God, knowing that I would want it just then, laid it on my Mom's heart days before to send it to me and there it was. That's God! God sent it! I went into my bedroom a day or two later and asked God to forgive me for sinning against Him. I told Him that I would make Him Lord of my life. He did forgive me. Jesus died on the cross so that He would forgive me. He, like my Mom, loved me even though I hated Him, blasphemed Him, lied, cheated, stole, everything wicked thing you could think of, but He loved me enough to send His Son to die and take my punishment anyway. Amazing!

I got saved and my wife came home and the guy that was a party animal for the last 10 yrs of our lives together was reading the Bible. I told her that I got saved. We had a rough couple of months together, but God saved her too. We have both been baptized in the Holy Spirit and are serving Him together now. We want what He wants. I was a wicked man before, but He changed me. He gave me a new heart. I only cared about my self and what I wanted before. Now it's all about Him.

My Mom, Step dad, (2) Aunts, and my Wife have all gotten saved in the last 3yrs. Praise God! I must say though, that I worry more about those that don't live wicked lives like I did. Their need for the Savior is not as obvious to them as it was to me. They do not realize that all of our good works are as filthy rags before the Holy God. We have all lied. We have all been selfish and put other things before Him. Whether it's our job or kids, husbands, family. These are idols that people don't see. They have been taught that if you don't "hurt anybody else" God will look past all these things in the lives of those that don't have Jesus and aren't covered by His blood. Let's all pray that God will open their eyes too. Sorry this is so long. I just want God to be glorified by what He's done with my mess of a life. He really does make all things new!

God bless,
Derek

[Guest]

All I can say Derek is WOW! What a testimony. God is so Good. I love Him so much and I am so ashamed of myself because I am a sinner, but He always makes it right and through His Son I live.

Amen again to you testimony.

[Guest]

Thanks for posting your testimony, Derek. I love reading/hearing testimonies of God's greatness!

[Guest]

Wow Derek the timing is definitely from the Lord on your testimony.
I have a son who is taking the path of rock music/band and it grieves
me alot. I know in God's timing he will come to the truth I will not let
up on prayer. Your testimony of the greatness of God has ministered to me.

[Guest]

I am blessed to call you friend. I hope we remain close and pray that God bless you and your wife. I feel privledged to talk with such a smart guy...You are also a great musician!!!!!! God bless.

[Guest]

God is amazing! Your testimony is awesome, Derek!

[_Paidion]

Thank you, Derek, for your wonderful testimony, and for starting this thread. I hope it will set the stage for others to share their testimonies also.

I would like to share with you my own personal spiritual journey:

1.When I was only 5 years old, I remember a man of God coming to our house. His name was Bill Winslow, a “Shantyman”. He used to walk many miles to bush camps to bring the gospel to the men there. The tough men in these camps normally threw out any minister that dared to enter their camps ---- but not Brother Winslow! They gathered around him and listened to every word. Many submitted their lives to Christ.

One time in a house, Mr. Winslow was witnessing to a man, who was getting more and more disturbed. Finally, he shouted to Brother Winslow that he should stop preaching to him. In great anger, he threatened to throw Bill downstairs if he didn’t desist immediately. Brother Bill just kept right on urging him. Suddenly the man fell to his knees, repenting in tears.

At 5 years of age, when I came near Bill Winslow, I felt something wonderful emanating from him. I didn’t know what it was. All I knew was that if I sat anywhere near him, I experienced something very pleasant. I now know that this was the spirit of God flowing through him, and I was somehow bathing in the overflow.

2. At age 7, I began attending a country Sunday School held in the one-room country school house where I attended. My teacher was Christina Winslow, Bill’s wife. I don’t remember anything anything she said in class. All I remember is experiencing that flow of love within me. I recall also, that she brought a cup with her whose exterior was white, and whose interior was black. My experience was new to me, and so powerful. I wanted to tell my brother Billy about it when I got home. Then, when I got there, I didn’t know what to tell him! I wasn’t sure what had happened to me. If I had known, I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe it. After that, I experienced that flow of love again and again.

3. I began reading the Old Testament—from the beginning. When I got to Exodus, and the various feasts prescribed for the Israelites, I wondered why our family did not hold any feasts to honour God. I very much wanted to please God, and so I went to my playhouse and held my own private feasts in His honour.

Later, I read about the Israelites sacrificing to God. I asked my mother why we didn’t sacrifice to God. My mother replied that when Jesus was sacrificed, it was no longer necessary to have animal sacrifices. Her answer seemed to satisfy me at the time.

4. When I was 14, I encountered and began reading fundamentalist tracts which told about how to “get saved”.
“Have I done this?” I asked myself. And so I tried praying the prescribed prayer.

“Jesus, I realize I am a sinner, and that you died for me, so that I would not have to go to hell, but could go to heaven. I hereby accept you as my personal saviour.” Nothing happened. I didn’t experience a thing.

But not every tract said the same thing. Others suggested a different prayer. Maybe I hadn’t done it right the first time. I tried again:


“Jesus, I realize that I am a sinner, and that you died in my place. I accept your finished work on calvary, so that God will no longer regard my sin, but your righteousness.” Still nothing!

Then I read fundamentalist literature that salvation had nothing to do with inner feeling. If I have accepted Christ, I just have to believe that He has saved me regardless of feelings or lack of them. Accept it as true because He said it. “He who believes has eternal life.” So I did. I believed, so I concluded that I was saved and had eternal life. More literature I read convinced me of “eternal security” (unconditional security). Now that I was born again, I could not become unborn.” I rested my belief on:

John 10:27,28 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me; and I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish, and no one shall snatch them out of my hand.

Rom 8:38,39 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Nothing can separate me from the love of God - not even my own actions. For I wasn’t saved by works, so I can’t lose my salvation through works. And therefor I came to the conclusion that it is impossible for me to go to hell.

5. After my father was killed in a hunting accident when I was 17, my mother and I moved to Barwick. At age 18 and 19, I used to attend the Baptist Church at Barwick. Tom Oshiro was the minister at the time. I used to hear Tom speak from Sunday to Sunday, with great fervour, on submission and obedience to Christ. I used to wonder why Tom never preached the gospel. I was so spiritually blind that I failed to recognize that what he preached was the gospel, Tom urged the members of his congregation to submit to Christ. Tom had a wonderful way with young people. He organized young people’s meetings, and he asked me to lead them from time to time. In hearing me speak to the young people, Tom recognized that I had a spiritual problem. Once he asked me, “Don, what are we saved from?”

Knowing the scripture, I said, “From sin.”

Tom replied, “And what does that mean?”

I answered, “We are saved from the results of sin.” I had in mind hell fire.

Tom said, “Don, no where does it say we are saved from the results of sin. It says we are saved from sin!” I didn’t accept it at the time. I thought Tom was wrong. But a seed was planted in my heart which eventually bore fruit.

Another Baptist preacher at Barwick suggested that I should be baptized. I didn’t think that baptism was necessary. The preacher told me that since Jesus commanded it, it was important. I asked whether I would be doing as well to get baptised in the Off Lake Covenant Church”

“Oh, no. They believe so-and-so, whereas we believe such-in-such.”

I used to wonder, with all the denominations, how could anyone know which, if any, is right. I couldn’t imagine the apostles Paul and Peter being Baptists, or Presbyterians, or Pentecostals!

In the summer in which I was 19, I worked for the CNR as a section man in Atikokan. There I attended a more conservative and fundamentalist Baptist Church. Both “eternal security” and “predestination”, in the Calvinist sense, were believed. At this time, I was considering baptism. What I didn’t know was that according to conservative Baptist doctrine, you were baptized into the local church. When I learned that, I was reluctant, for I didn’t want to be in any denomination. I considered denominations to be man-made. But through seeking God, I came to believed that He wanted me to be baptized there. So I was baptized in that church. I was expecting the Spirit of God to fall upon me in a special way. But the minister didn’t seem to expect anything. For him, it was just a symbol of what had already taken place in me. Nevertheless, I was blessed by the spirit of this church. Each meeting, the minister gave an invitation to come forward for whatever spiritual need one might have. For about a year, I lived in Atikokan and attended that church.

The following year, I attended Winnipeg Bible Institute in Winnipeg, at 2 Evergreen place, just south of the Osborne bridge. I was particularly interested in studying Greek. I wanted to learn what the New Testament writers really meant. For I was confused by various groups and denominations, each claiming to follow the teachings of the Bible exactly, yet teaching doctrines contrary to one another. I became interested in 2nd century Christian literature. I thought that those church leaders who lived in the days of the apostles or immediately after, were in a better position to understand the NT writings than present-day groups nearly 2000 years later. So I searched out these writings at the Bible school, and later found them in Christian book stores and purchased them for myself.


At the end of the year, I began to think that I had to think about earning a living. What could I do? I didn’t want to continue working as an unskilled labourer. I found out that I could be a qualified teacher by attending teacher’s college for a single year. So I went to Manitoba Teachers College. There I went to Bible studies with a group of Mennonites. They studied, of all things, First John. Now I had been almost ready to reject out of hand 1st John. For it contained statements that did not fit my theology of unconditional security.

I John 1:6 If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not live according to the truth;

I John 2:4 He who says "I know him" but disobeys his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him;

But especially:
I John3:7,8 Little children, let no one deceive you. He who does right is righteous, as he is righteous. He who commits sin is of the devil; for the devil has sinned from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil.

He who does right is righteous, as he is righteous. I didn’t believe I was righteous by doing right! I believed in imputed righteousness, not my own righteousness. My own righteousness is as filthy rags in God’s sight. I believed in positional righteousness not actual righteousness, because Jesus the righteous One died in my place. Now when God looks at me, He no longer sees my sin but Christ’s righteousness. But this statement says as he is righteous. He was righteous, not because righteousness was imputed to Him, but because He did right. Here it states that Jesus came to destroy the works of the devil. That’s not what I believed. I believed He came to save us from hell!

But somehow I was able to re-interpret first John, and tried to convince the others about “eternal security”, as I called it. One of them asked, “Where do you get that, Don? Where do you find that in the Bible?” I answered immediately, “Why, you find it on every page!”

One day, when I returned to the Bible school to meet with some of my buddies from the previous year, I noticed an attractive brunette perched on the kitchen counter of the Bible school. I found out her name was June Thiessen, sister of Margaret, a girl l knew at teachers’ college. Margaret would visit June at the Bible school and play scrabble with her, and I would sit nearby and make a nuisance of myself. I found out they both knew Gerald Shabaga, a fellow I knew at teachers college. They both called him “Sandy”, an abbreviation of his second name. The next thing I remember was taking Margaret to the church I attended, Grant Memorial Baptist, and Sandy went with June. Next Sunday there was a reversal, and I went to church with June. The pastor, my brother Dave, wondered what was going on, going to church with one girl on one Sunday, and a different one the next. To make a long story short, there were a number of dates, and June and I were engaged. The following year, I had my first teaching experience at Westgate, Manitoba, a small community 100 miles north of Swan River, and a half mile from the Saskatchewan border. On July 21, following , June and I were married at Grant Memorial Church, my brother Dave presiding. I was 24 and June was 20. A couple of years later, Sandy married Margaret.

I had obtained a teaching position in September at Crystal Springs Hutterite Colony, located about 30 mi. south of Winnipeg. I had been told by my Mennonite friends that Hutterites were the black sheep of the Anabaptist family, and that they knew nothing of salvation, that it was a religion of works. In trying to bring the gospel to the Hutterites, I discovered they knew far more about salvation than I. In those days, June and I attended meetings with Major Ian Thomas in Winnipeg. He spoke about the deeper life in Christ. He was so dynamic that though he spoke 2 hours, it seemed like 15 minutes. He compared our place with Jesus with the Israelites coming out of Egypt. He said there were three categories of people: (1)those who are still in Egypt — the lost. (2) those who have come out of Egypt, have crossed the Red Sea, and are wandering around in the desert — carnal Christians who have been redeemed by faith in Christ through His reconciling death but are living in spiritual poverty.(3) those who have crossed the Jordan and are living in the promised land — those who are submitted to Christ, those in whom Christ is living His resurrected life. I accepted this message wholeheartedly, and sought to commit my life to Christ in a way that I hadn’t previously. I began to proclaim this message. I wrote three tracts and had them printed: Are you an Unbelieving Believer? — based on Heb 3:12 “Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God.” Will your Christian Works be burned? — based on the wood, hay, and stubble of Cor 3:11-15. “If any one’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire”. The Difference between Christians and Disciples. This tract defined “Christians” as those in Ian Thomas’s second class, and “disciples” as those in the third class. However...this Christian work was burned! For, years later, I read these words in Acts 11:26 in Antioch the disciples were for the first time called Christians. There is no difference between Christians and disciples. “Christian” is just another word for “disciple.” I didn’t want anyone to get hold of this false teaching.


While at the colony, one of the men gave me a copy of the book “The Sermon on the Mount” by Clarence Jordan from Georgia. Clarence and his fellow Christians used to meet together daily, had all things in common as in Acts 2. Their community was called “Koinoia Farm.” The man who started Habitats for Humanity, got his inspiration from Koinonia. Clarence emphasized literal obedience to the teaching of Christ. He who hears these words of mine and does them is like the wise man who builds his house upon the rock. I came to see that there is only one kind of Christian, the kind who have submitted to Jesus as Lord! During those days, I used to read aloud to June, Justin Martyr’s “Dialogue with Trypho.” Justin had been a follower of Plato, but was converted when he met an old Christian while meditating, seeking to see God with the eyes of his soul. Trypho was a Jew who together with his companions met Justin while he was in a lonely place. They discussed spiritual things fo days. I was filled with new understanding concerning the many Old Testament scriptures in which Jesus appeared on earth, and the many prophecies in which his birth was predicted. It was during those days that early Christian literature hit me right between the eyes concerning my beliefs about unconditional security.I repented of this false belief, and opened my mind and heart to the truth as revealed in Scripture.

Since this time, I have realized that Christ requires my total allegiance. Unless He is Lord of all, He cannot be my Lord at all. Unless you forsake all and follow me, you cannot be my disciple. I cannot do it from self effort, but the grace of Christ enables me to do it.

Titus 2:11,12 The grace of God has appeared for the salvation of all people, training us to renounce impiety and worldly passions, and to live sensibly, uprightly, and piously in this age,

If I have a time of need, where I just can’t seem to be able to do what I should, or refrain from doing what I shouldn’t, I can come to the throne of grace and receive help from the One who was tempted in all points such as we are, and yet without sin.

Heb 4:15,16 For we have not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

I wish I could say that from the moment I learned the truth about why Jesus died, and the grace that is available, that I have obeyed the Lord Jesus, and have never sinned since. But if I said that, it would be a lie. Nevertheless, God is at work in me, changing my character, and He who began a good work in me will continue to complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. God has appointed me to be conformed to the image of His Son. I want to keep my appointment. For if I move in that direction, then in the day that our Lord returns, He will raise me up from death and put the finishing touches on the process of perfecting me, and I shall be a completed child of God.

[_Paidion]

[Deleted due to unintentional duplication]

[_Derek]

I have wondered many times what your story was. Thanks for sharing brother! That was a blessing.

God bless,

[Guest]

wonderful testimony Paidion.

Please pray for my son J who is 25 and in need of salvation.

thank you