a widow remembers

[Guest]

Hi family

I have been going thru stuff in the house, sorting trashing etc, I came across a file I had from my late husband. In this file he had a copy of a “talk” our church head had asked him to give one Sunday. I thought you might like to have a copy of it. It was bittersweet for me reading it because it was sad he wasn’t here any more, but some how having it to read also brought back the “man ” we all knew and loved for a little while. His wisdom from his “father” was timeless and simple …..

Here it is…Love, Glow



What I’m really here to talk about though is the issue of being a Christian , and going through an ordeal of some kind How should a Christian approach going through a time of suffering or difficulty? (I omitted the first part of the talk where He went thru all his medical stuff etc. It was quite extreme , many surgeries, including having a lung removed. This went on for 9 years )
Let me say first that there are probably few people out there who haven’t at one time or another if not even right now gone through what you would consider to be an ordeal of some kind, emotional ,physical, whatever. My story is only unique in the particular circumstances. In fact, at the same time I was in the hospital Mark was going through his own physical ordeal in another wing of the same hospital and Bob was suffering in another area hospital. I’m here because I had a conversation with Dan recently in which telling him how God had used my situation for so many positive outcomes, and Dan and Mike felt it might be worthwhile for me to share some of that with you.

When I first became a Christian 16 years ago , I believe that one of the gifts God gave me was a strong faith that everything I go through would fit some how into his plan for me that everything would be part of “the college of life” He would take me through.

When I first found out earlier this year that I had more cancer again, shortly there after I reached a point of decision. I knew I had 2 choices…I could choose to let myself be fearful, angry and bitter about the situation, or I could choose to trust God with the whole situation , continuing to believe that this all was fitting into His plan and serve His purpose. In a sense I feel that God was asking me this question, “Will you trust me through this, no matter what happens and where things lead”? With His help I made the choice that I was going to trust Him, a choice that I later found I would have to exercise everyday.

As I have trusted Him through this, I have found that there is a fantastic thing that happens when you choose to trust God through something difficult, some ordeal….the wonderful thing is that you find He is there with you every step of the way, and if you are willing to receive it from him “and look for it” , he will show you some of the ways He is working out His plan and His will through circumstances. So it is that there have been many “wonderful things”, happening during this time , in spite of the physical and emotional challenges. Here are some of the things I saw God doing for me and around me through this time.

1.) One of the blessings was experiencing Gods reassurance and comfort for me during this time. When surgery was done and I was still in the hospital, my oncologist gave me some materials to read having to do with making choices on what therapy we would do now. He cautioned me not to get discouraged about the prognosis statistics given in the papers and to remember that I was an individual case….but of coarse it was hard not to have it affect me as I read about the average life span of less than 2 years and chances of complete recovery of less than 10 %. But right after I read his materials, I reread a card one of my co workers given me before I went into the hospital, which was Psalm 91 written on it. I felt like God told me in my heart that Psalm 91 was His prognosis for me…part of it says “You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor plague on our nation right now. “A thousand may fall at your side , ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you…” One blessing of being a Christian through a trial is having Gods word top lean on even when the world says otherwise.


2.) I have had it on my heart for a while to be a more effective witness for Christ in my sphere of influence…that is, with the people around me at work, church, family etc. God knows this has been on my heart and I have been looking for opportunities especially in the last couple of years to speak about Him. But I’ll tell you , what an amazing opportunity “this” experience has been for me to talk to people about trusting God.!! It comes naturally into conversation when people with whom I’ve never spoken about spiritual things before ask me about my illness and how I feel about it and how I handle it so well without getting discouraged.

3.) My wife Glow has MS Multiple Sclerosis which is a chronic neurological disease that gives her a number of different symptoms, many of which you can’t really understand well if you don’t have the disease. One blessing that happened as I was going through my changes getting used to the medicines, was that I would experience something, tell her about it, and it would turn out that it was very similar to some of the things she goes through with her MS. For example, I knew what it was like to be tired, but I never really experienced “fatigue” which is a different thing. With this medicine , there were days when I had a deep feeling of exhaustion that I’d never had before. And it turns out that, that is very similar to what Glow goes through on many of her bad days when her MS is really flaring up. There were other things too, like having to learn to accept having the strength to accomplish very little in a whole day , and to learn to receive Gods reassurance that , that was OK. This, too, is something Glow struggles with daily. So the effects of this medicine actually helped me to actually experience and understand more of what life is like for her on an ingoing basis.

4.) For a number of years there has been some writing I’ve wanted to do, but never seemed to have the time to get around to it, and during my time off work with this situation I have been able to work on that, and God has met me in it by helping me to put down my thoughts on paper.

5.) I feel that this situation caused some major changes in my attitude and perspective on my job….I’ve been a Dentist for 22 years and in the last few years work has been very stressful in the group practice I’m in with the sheer number of patients, and quality of work to be done. I was taking a lot of that burden on myself and trying to make things work out by taking on more work than I could easily handle, and it was taking it’s toll on me and my family. It’s interesting how being away from work and seeing that somehow people are able to handle things when you’re gone gives you a new perspective on that sense of burden….I realize now that I’m not doing anyone favors to burn myself out.

6.) It is probably in my relationships that this experience has made the most differences…the changes it has put me, my wife, my kids, my friends, my co workers through….these things cannot be easily measured, but in general it has caused many of us to re look at what really is important in life. Glow and I have been married for 28 years , like all couples , we’ve had challenges as we have changed and grown through the years and had to adjust to each others changes…but this experience Has, I believe drawn us even closer. And helped us both to value what’s really important in our relationship., and to get a new perspective on what real priorities are, to walk these things out daily.

Finally in the book of Job, Satan makes a claim that Job really only loves God because of all the blessings he’s receiving, and if those were taken away, Jobs heart would turn form God and he would curse him. The last opportunity my trial and anyone gives us is to prove Satan wrong. To continue to love and trust God even when our circumstances “do not seem like a blessing” It is at those times that it should be enough that God loves us more than we can imagine, that He is with us at all times and gives us grace for “any” trial , and that He also has given us hope and a future and an eternal destiny , because of Christ , that we can only begin to fathom …how great it will be ! Paul says in Romans that …” our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us”

I’d like to close with a prayer” Lord , I thank you so much that you have promised us that you will never leave or forsake us , and that even in the midst of any trials and tribulations we may go through , you are with us, and for us , and working in us. I pray for all of us that in any situations we go through, our eyes would be open to see how you are working out your plans, and to see the blessings that you often pour out on us even in the midst of what we think are difficult situations or ordeals. Help us to truly experience that you grace is sufficient for all our needs. Thank you, in Jesus name . Amen.



I hope you enjoy this some how and don’t think it morbid or insensitive that I have sent these words of my late husband to you , I though they were timeless, very wise and can continue to speak to us even though he is gone from the planet .If you knew also him he was terribly frightened in his natural self to talk in front of people it was even more amazing he was so eloquent and pulled it off with ease. He did end up being quite a witness to many people of all walks of life, especially being a dentist and so open to the public. He had also written a book, I am working on compiling and hope to get it printed for him as He asked me to do.

This was from his “talk” to the church, earlier in the same year we went to Maryland (NIH), where God eventually called him home. I hope this may touch some one out here that may be struggling with some hard issues right now and encourage you.

God Bless…..Glow