Leaving a Church

[TK]

My wife and I are strongly considering leaving a church that we have been associated with and very actively involved in for around 10 years.

While there are a few things that have happened over the past couple of years that haven't really set well with us, we are not mad at anybody; we are not holding any grudges, etc. The leadership is not living in sin and the bible is taught from the pulpit.

In other words, there is not a specific concrete reason why we are considering leaving.

It is more of a sense that we have "outgrown" the church. But this sounds so horrible because it smacks of spiritual pride, etc. And I realize that church should not be "all about us." I get that. But at the same time, we both feel some spiritual stagnation going on. I know that it is our personal responsibility to grow deeper in the Lord. I get that, too.

I would tell you that my church is a typical "seeker friendly" church that, in general, seeks to be a mile wide but about an inch deep.

I was just wondering if any of you had any thoughts about good reasons, and bad reasons, for leaving a church, or if any of you have had similar experiences.

TK

[jarrod]

TK,

My wife and I left a very large and predominately "seeker friendly" church about 4 years ago in search of a genuine sense of community, strong Biblical teaching, and one where we could employ our Spiritual gifts. We experienced similar struggles that you are facing because while we wanted to continue growing, we did not want to abandon the church that had served us for a number of years nor did we want any of our friends that we would be leaving behind to think that we felt the church wasn't "good enough" for us.

Could we say that some churches, while all serving the same general purpose, are used by God to grow believers in the different stages of their sanctification and walk with the Lord? For instance, I can listen to Steve Gregg (or other teachers) talk for HOURS while studying the Scriptures for myself and with other believers. However, I don't know if I could have done that while I was still in the early stages (a babe) of my relationship with God. Once I reached a certain point where I hungered more and more for the Word I realized that I was having to go everywhere else besides my church to find an outlet for discussion and teaching. I also enjoyed serving and teaching with the youth (high school) and I met opposition from the church leadership when I simply tried to relay the teachings and understandings of Scripture that I was so passionate about.

Anyway... the main reason we left was because we wanted more in-depth Bible teaching for our own growth and to be able to use our Spiritual gifts in full capacity. We found a much smaller church (~200 members) that we believe suits where we are and because of that enjoy a vibrant relationship with a growing body where we can serve unhindered.

So I say all that to let you know you are not alone in your feelings and that I don't believe you are doing anything wrong by evaluating your church or membership. Leaving that church, prayerfully, could possibly be the best thing for you and your family.

Jarrod

[mattrose]

In my opinion, rather than changing churches, what is more often needed is a change of mindset. If you've been hoping for your seeker-sensitive style church to meet your genuine needs for spiritual growth, that's more a mistake on your part than on the part of the seeker-sensitive church. It would seem more realistic, it seems, to view that Sunday morning gathering as a place to meet new people, identify those genuinely growing in Christ, etc. View it as a place where you can help those who are early on in their journey's rather than as a place where you yourself will be fed a hearty meal.

If all the deep, genuine Christians leave the shallow, beginner churches then who will help converts mature? Find some other source for your own Christian growth if you don't have some already. I really think that if you change your mindset about Sunday morning you may decide to keep attending. Just my 2 cents.

[TK]

Thanks Jarrod and Matt for your input.

Jarrod wrote:

Once I reached a certain point where I hungered more and more for the Word I realized that I was having to go everywhere else besides my church to find an outlet for discussion and teaching. I also enjoyed serving and teaching with the youth (high school) and I met opposition from the church leadership when I simply tried to relay the teachings and understandings of Scripture that I was so passionate about.

man, does this resonate with me. You have described our situation almost to a tee. We are also leaning toward a church that is more charismatic, for lack of a better word. We just feel a lot freer in this other church we have visited. I think we can go deeper there.

Matt wrote:

If all the deep, genuine Christians leave the shallow, beginner churches then who will help converts mature? Find some other source for your own Christian growth if you don't have some already. I really think that if you change your mindset about Sunday morning you may decide to keep attending. Just my 2 cents.

Believe me, Matt- i long ago gave up any hope of the idea of the sunday service to be anything more that very surface level. I have accepted it for what it is- namely what you have described. I have listened to literally hundreds of hours of deeper sermons from various sources and solid bible teaching (thanks steve g!) because I have a long commute to and from work. I indeed have looked elsewhere to grow spiritually. I wish this wasn't the case but it is a sad reality. And my church really isnt a beginner church-- it's been around for about 15 years. it just has a seeker-friendly mindset. I guess that's another problem- i really dont agree with this mindset at all. This article pretty much sums up the way i feel about it: http://www.str.org/site/News2?page=NewsArticle&id=5564

However, your 1st sentence is more problematic and is probably one of the main reasons for my struggle. My wife and I have taught adult bible studies for several years and those in my church who know we may be teetering on the edge of leaving throw that one up to us, i.e. "if you guys leave who is going to teach us?" man that's hard.

TK

[Jason]

Todd, is there a reason you can't attend two churches? You could be growing and thriving in one congregation and helping the newer converts in another.

[TK]

Great point, Jason. I think the traditional mindset might look down on such a thing (divided loyalties, you know) but i have thought about the very thing you mention and it is a distinct possibility. i am certainly open to thinking outside the box.

TK

[mattrose]

Just for clarification, I didn't mean 'beginner' in the sense of a newish church plant, but in the sense of a seeker-sensitive (shallow) church (no matter how long it has been there).

I would agree that attending 2 (or more!) churches should be considered. I really value the decision to stay in an immature seeker church to help disciple. I am part of 2 churches and I love it. The more relationships with people interested in Christ the better!

[darinhouston]

I really value the decision to stay in an immature seeker church to help disciple.

As long as the church enables or permits you to really play a part in that regard. Many do not. We had a bible study class that was really growing spiritually, gifts were being used, people's walks beginning to grow, folks getting into each other's lives, etc., and the church saw it as a threat to the seeker-sensitivity as one wouldn't feel they "belonged" if the group had that much family cohesiveness and the outsider felt like an outsider. That, along with practical concerns such as traffic and kids' programs and need for a closer, more community focused church near our home has been the straw that drove me to begin looking for a new church after 17 years -- many of my closest brothers and sisters from that church will always be close and as folks have moved out (it's seen a bit as a revolving door training ground) we have stayed in touch as families do.

[mattrose]

Certainly if the church is so 'seeker sensitive' that it actively seeks to put out spiritual fire and maturity that would be a huge problem worth leaving over! What's more, if you were traveling outside your local community to attend such a church, this seems counterproductive to the task of incarnational ministry.

[TK]

matt wrote:

Certainly if the church is so 'seeker sensitive' that it actively seeks to put out spiritual fire

this occurs in my church but it is not blatant-- it is just that the head pastor and elders, in my opinion, are fearful of spiritual fire because they dont know or wouldnt know how to deal with it. so there is very little room to allow the HS to move-- thus we have the very regimented order or worship (although the worship is contemporary). When I visit churches where the pastor, or worship leader, is allowed the freedom to be obedient to the HS, there is simply a whole different vibe to the service. I like when things get shaken up. and the attitude "we can't shake things up because there might be a visitor here" really galls me and i think it is dead wrong. People, in my opinion, are attracted to a move of the HS, not repulsed by it. look what happened in Acts.

TK