Advice Needed on Sensitive Topic

Post by **_TK** » Thu Jun 07, 2007 12:39 pm

Howdy All--

My wife and I were asked by our church to head up a "cell group" in our home. We agreed to do so.

Yesterday I learned that one of the men who may be attending is a registered sex offender- per the offender database he was convicted of rape and gross sexual imposition. I do not know all of the details.

Apparently he sometimes comes to church with his wife; I do not know this person.

I must tell you that I am more than a little concerned about this. 1) I am concerned about my wife; 2) I am concerned about my 2 children, 3) I am concerned about neighbors and kids in the neighborhood.

If he is in my house, he would be able to scope out where the doors are, the windows, etc. My concern would be that he would come around when I am not home.

I believe that, in general, sex offenders cannot be rehabilitated. They could be if they are converted, but I do not believe this to be the case with this person.

My inclination is to let the church know that I would prefer not to have this person in my home. But I am torn, because he perhaps needs discipleship. But I am not sure if my greater duty isn't to love my wife, children and neighbors by protecting them. If he seeks discipleship, perhaps it would be better to receive it at the church, where numerous classes are offered.

Any thoughts?

TK

Post by **_Seth** » Thu Jun 07, 2007 1:09 pm

You might try requesting to have the group meet at your church instead of your home.

In any case, I'd want to have some private interview time with the guy before I let him in my home.

Post by **_Allyn** » Thu Jun 07, 2007 1:19 pm

I am surprised that if your church knew of this mans status that they would put you in position of making a choice. From the very start the church should have been on top of this case concerning this man. Restrictions should have been placed upon him for the greater good. This is not to say that he should not be allowed to participate with the church in various ways, but I am saying that limitations should be imposed upon him. This is one of those situations where the sin is known and even though the sin may have been forgiven and the law satisfied it was of a nature where protection of the innocent must be maintained. It is simply one of the consequences for sin. It is not a matter of judgement but a matter of consequence and protection.

Post by **_Perry** » Thu Jun 07, 2007 1:40 pm

I agree with what's been said, and what appears to be your own inclination. IMO your greater obligation is to your family. If God is leading this man to repentance, he won't be driven away by your caution. If God is not leading this man to repentance, then your caution is wise.

You can still fellowship with him elsewhere until such time as you're comfortable that all is well.

Perry

Post by **__id_1941** » Thu Jun 07, 2007 2:33 pm

If having a home cell group was something that I felt the Lord was leading me to do and the church wanted me to do it. then I would take the problem to the Lord in Prayer and leave it with Him.

Post by **_Allyn** » Thu Jun 07, 2007 3:11 pm

Dan, I agree, but it may be that then He allows godly counsel to come as a result of those prayers. There are many examples in my own life when I sought the Lord on an issue and then the answer came by way of a friend or family member. I wonder if this is what is happening for TK?

In short, what are your beliefs on how God answers prayer?

Post by **__id_1941** » Thu Jun 07, 2007 3:37 pm

Allyn wrote:Dan, I agree, but it may be that then He allows godly counsel to come as a result of those prayers. There are many examples in my own life when I sought the Lord on an issue and then the answer came by way of a friend or family member. I wonder if this is what is happening for TK?

In short, what are your beliefs on how God answers prayer?

Allyn,

I believe that God speaks to us thru others, even through our enemies at times as David pointed out when he was on the run. One of the hallmarks of David as leader in contrast to Saul was that you find over and over again in scripture that David "Inquired of the Lord", when he faced a problem and Saul didn't.

Post by **_Allyn** » Thu Jun 07, 2007 3:45 pm

That's a great example and point well received.

Post by **_Christopher** » Thu Jun 07, 2007 11:25 pm

Hi TK,

I agree with the others that your family's (and other's in your group) safety must be a priority. It's true that most sex offenders repeat and it's an ugly fact of life that predators do take advantage of naivity and grace.

Being in prison ministry, I work with former sex offenders quite a bit. I don't pretend to be an expert on that particular struggle by any means, but my experience with those who are truly repentent is that they actually wish to be relieved of the burden of their past by getting all the circumstances of their crime out in the open so as to start off relationships with no secrets. I know several former sex offenders that I embrace as friends and brothers in Christ, but that doesn't mean they have my unconditional trust around my family.

A believer that has this kind of past should have no problem being an open book about this. I encourage you to ask questions (in a non-confrontational way of course) and even ask how he is keeping himself from repeating the offense. If he is reformed, then he also has a plan to keep himself from temptation. Also, if he was recenlty released (less than 2 years), it's probably a violation of his parole to even be at church let alone your bible study. These are important things to know.

If you don't feel comfortable with doing that, I think it's appropriate to ask the church leadership to talk with him about it. I guarantee he understands that his past makes him subject to this and if he's humble about it, he will accept it as a part of the on-going consequence of sin.

It's also important to understand that "rape" can mean any number of things legally. I know many sex offenders that were convicted of statuatory "rape" by means of consentual relations with their girlfriends (guy 18 or 19, girl 16 or 17). Not saying this is right, but it's a different category altogether than an unsolicited brutal attack on someone IMO. Yet in the eyes of the law, they are in the same category and must register as an S.O. nonetheless.

The main point I'm making is, don't be afraid to ask questions. Someone who is submitted to the will of God should welcome the honesty.

Post by **_TK** » Fri Jun 08, 2007 7:01 am

i really appreciate all of your input- great points from all of you.

and i agree with allyn- i take all of your input as answer to prayer.

TK