After 54 years, in and out of the darkness, the Word has finally
sunk in and I am painfully aware of most of my sins.
The most painful being that I have been living with a woman for 16 years
(no kids),and am in need of guidance about separating or getting married.
I met her during my darkest days as a bartender and do not believe
that I ever was in love with her (and I believe that I am still not), yet
we are friends that have a lot of problems communicating with each
other and living with each other.
When it came to me about my sexual immorality (fornication) in
this situation, I immediately moved out of the bedroom and down
stairs(no friction over that), but, I am still living with a woman that
I have no plans of marrying and am EXTREMELY concerned with
pleasing God and doing his will in everything that I do.
My gut tells me, even if we're "just friends" that it is not right
to live in the same house with each other...
Now Santa Cruz is very expensive and we have no money to live
separately, yet I am willing to do anything to right this situation, but
I do not want to put her in danger (I have just enough income and she
has none). She has trouble walking and cannot work much. I couldn't
bare to see her in the streets of Santa Cruz. We have no friends or
relatives because we cut off everyone in our lives until we were alone
in the darkness...
She is a wonderful, Jesus believing person that is extremely "sensitive"
and I am not separating to find another woman or have sex somewhere
else. I am devoted to God from here on out, yet Paul said something to
the effect of not changing your situation in these days...
I hope someone can understand this quick explanation of my situation
enough to be able to guide me if possible (Steve?).
Hello to all here and
God Bless this forum,
(No More Doubting) Thomas
Living together in sin...
Re: Living together in sin...
I unfortunately have very limited time until after the weekend, but I thought I would fire off a few tentative thoughts, since you seem very eager to find peace in your decisions. After the weekend, I may be able to explore possibilities with you in more detail, or, before then, others here may have good counsel for you.
My first thoughts are:
1. You are not sinning by sleeping under the same roof with this woman, and being celibate. Though you have no covenant with her, and no promises to keep, you are aware that she has become very dependent upon you—both financially and emotionally. It would be very unloving for you to put her out on the street, since I know of no requirement of this in order to fulfill all righteousness. If you do not wish to marry her, then it would be good to continue taking care of her for the time being until some acceptable alternative can be found;
2. You might even want to marry her. You say you are not in love, but you have apparently sufficient love for each other that you have shared an intimate life for many years. Perhaps this was more characterized by lust than love, but there have been many Christians who, no doubt, were largely influenced by lust in getting married, and have managed to remain faithfully married thereafter. The Bible does not say you must marry someone that you love, but that, if you marry a woman, you must choose to love her. It is possible to do this, though it may not always be advisable to get into a marriage that would present unusual challenges in the fulfillment of this duty.
3. Your isolation from family and friends creates more complications in the situation than would be the case if you were immersed in Christian community. In the latter case, you would have the ongoing counsel of godly friends who know you well enough to provide some fitting guidance. Such fellowship might also provide more living and financial options for the lady you are currently with. The transition from isolation into fellowship is not necessarily a hard one to make in Santa Cruz. You are certainly welcome to become involved with the groups I attend.
My first thoughts are:
1. You are not sinning by sleeping under the same roof with this woman, and being celibate. Though you have no covenant with her, and no promises to keep, you are aware that she has become very dependent upon you—both financially and emotionally. It would be very unloving for you to put her out on the street, since I know of no requirement of this in order to fulfill all righteousness. If you do not wish to marry her, then it would be good to continue taking care of her for the time being until some acceptable alternative can be found;
2. You might even want to marry her. You say you are not in love, but you have apparently sufficient love for each other that you have shared an intimate life for many years. Perhaps this was more characterized by lust than love, but there have been many Christians who, no doubt, were largely influenced by lust in getting married, and have managed to remain faithfully married thereafter. The Bible does not say you must marry someone that you love, but that, if you marry a woman, you must choose to love her. It is possible to do this, though it may not always be advisable to get into a marriage that would present unusual challenges in the fulfillment of this duty.
3. Your isolation from family and friends creates more complications in the situation than would be the case if you were immersed in Christian community. In the latter case, you would have the ongoing counsel of godly friends who know you well enough to provide some fitting guidance. Such fellowship might also provide more living and financial options for the lady you are currently with. The transition from isolation into fellowship is not necessarily a hard one to make in Santa Cruz. You are certainly welcome to become involved with the groups I attend.
Re: Living together in sin...
Thank you for getting back with me so quickly. I made it
back to the library computer and am extremely grateful
for your guidance (I have been praying and reading in the
meantime).Your words rang true to me deep in that place
where "hooey" can't live.
And not so coincidently, I also realized (through KKMC) that
I was sorely in need of fellowship and decided to try out
a local church (Mt. Calvary on Park Ave... how do you
feel about Lutherans and whether they walk the talk in
the bible as written?). The last time I went to church was
at the Star of the Sea Catholic Church on Frederick St.
(46 years ago) and then, I couldn't wait until it ended. This time
I wished that it wouldn't end (and actually heard every word).
God Bless this Bible Forum
and Narrow Path Ministries,
Thomas
P.S. Tomorrow night is the bible study in Santa Cruz and
I would like to attend (will you be making this one?). I am
very interested in finding out where your fellow bible
studiers here in S.C. go for fellowship (other than each
other's homes... not that I feel that doing that falls short
of the mark in anyway).
back to the library computer and am extremely grateful
for your guidance (I have been praying and reading in the
meantime).Your words rang true to me deep in that place
where "hooey" can't live.
And not so coincidently, I also realized (through KKMC) that
I was sorely in need of fellowship and decided to try out
a local church (Mt. Calvary on Park Ave... how do you
feel about Lutherans and whether they walk the talk in
the bible as written?). The last time I went to church was
at the Star of the Sea Catholic Church on Frederick St.
(46 years ago) and then, I couldn't wait until it ended. This time
I wished that it wouldn't end (and actually heard every word).
God Bless this Bible Forum
and Narrow Path Ministries,
Thomas
P.S. Tomorrow night is the bible study in Santa Cruz and
I would like to attend (will you be making this one?). I am
very interested in finding out where your fellow bible
studiers here in S.C. go for fellowship (other than each
other's homes... not that I feel that doing that falls short
of the mark in anyway).
Re: Living together in sin...
P.P.S. I almost forgot... through prayer, or willingness,
or open mindedness (or perhaps open hearted-ness) it
has occurred to me that we probably could live a blessed
life together (walking with God) if we married each other.
After all, in my situation, it most likely is my old self just
running an old tape about not getting married... looks like
prayer will reveal more in time. Thanks again Steve....
or open mindedness (or perhaps open hearted-ness) it
has occurred to me that we probably could live a blessed
life together (walking with God) if we married each other.
After all, in my situation, it most likely is my old self just
running an old tape about not getting married... looks like
prayer will reveal more in time. Thanks again Steve....
Re: Living together in sin...
mndthomas,
I hope to see you, then, at our gatherings. I would be glad to get to know you. As for Lutherans, they can be very good Christians, as is true of people in every denomination. Being Lutheran (or the member of any other denomination) does not guarantee that one is following Christ day-by-day, nor even that one is a true believer. However, it is likely that you will meet some real Christians there.
I hope to see you, then, at our gatherings. I would be glad to get to know you. As for Lutherans, they can be very good Christians, as is true of people in every denomination. Being Lutheran (or the member of any other denomination) does not guarantee that one is following Christ day-by-day, nor even that one is a true believer. However, it is likely that you will meet some real Christians there.