Protecting our kids' from greed

Post by **_Christopher** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 10:00 am

Luke 12:15
"Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses."
NKJV

I'd be interested in hearing how some of you veteran parents have dealt with relatives that want to lavish extravagant Christmas gifts on your kids.

Post by **_TK** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 1:30 pm

hi christopher--

how do you define "extravagant gifts?" over $100? $500? $1000?

i dont mean to be picky but it might make a difference.

thx, TK

Post by **_Christopher** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 2:57 pm

Hi TK,

For this question, I wouldn't place a dollar amount on it, but instead I would define it as something that exceeds what you've expressed to your relatives as acceptable and appropriate for your kids.

I've had a rather sticky situation that I've had to address regarding this issue and I doubt it's uncommon.

Post by **_TK** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 6:39 pm

that's a tough one-- i honestly havent had to deal with it because my kids' grandparents, aunts and uncles etc dont lavish them with extravagant gifts at christmas. sure, they give gifts (dont most grandparents?) and i wouldnt want to deprive them of the joy of giving. but they dont give anything extravagant.

if you have made it plain to your relatives not to give certain types of gifts and they continue to do so, sell it on ebay, give some of the proceeds to God, then give an amount that you deem appropriate to your kids. let your kids help you figure out how to spend God's part. when the relatives ask where there gift is, tell them. it should solve the same problem occuring in the future.

what have you considered doing?

TK

Post by **_TK** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 6:44 am

oh yeah-- i forgot to add that your kids might think you are an ogre if you do this. "mom!! dad's selling our stuff on ebay again!"

TK

Post by **_MLH** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 12:04 am

Why should it truly matter what others spend?

Ok, I was legalistic on such matters raising children and regret it now.
For me personally it would not have mattered because my family
( parents) would not have listened or respected my views.

If they give money put it in an account IF a ton of gifts let your children enjoy them...Why not? If the toy is not appropriate give it to toys for tots

Post by **_Christopher** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 3:51 pm

I should probably reiterate my definition of "extravagant" and give a little background.

The actual market value of a gift is not as important to me as the appropriateness of it. Certain toys communicate material excess to me whether someone paid $500 for it, or got a killer deal on it for say...$20. Such gifts can easily raise the expectation level for kids IMO. I'm learning to dread Christmas for this very reason.

We've asked all of our relatives to limit their gifts to our kids to something that would normally cost no more than $20-30 and limit the quantities as well.

However, we learned that one of my in-laws decided to buy my youngest son this big electric ride-in car type thing that runs anywhere from $150 on up. My kids do not know about this yet.

Nevermind that we have no practical place for him to play with this toy or even store it, but my wife and I both felt that it was way excessive.

Not only that, but the gift this in-law bought for my older son was much smaller and less exciting than the car (more along the lines of what we wished for both of them). This disparity communicates favoritism to our sons who can't yet understand being glad for someone else. By the way, favoritism has been a clear problem with this family for generations.

This person told my wife that he knew we would not be happy about this but went ahead and did it anyway because he wanted to and that he disagrees with our position on this.

I have since called him back and, as respectfully and charitibly as I know how, communicated to him the hurtfulness and offensiveness of his undermining our wishes and authority as parents and asked him if he would please return the gift and exchange it for something more modest and equal with the gift he chose for our elder son. This was only after much prayer and meditation on Proverbs 15:1 (which I definitely needed). My wife and I were also in complete agreement about my calling him.

He flat out told me that he felt he had the "right" to give them whatever he wanted, but that he would return the gift.

I've since learned that (after stewing over it for awhile) he has decided not to return the gift and has told us that he would not be spending Christmas with us. This rift has spread to much of the rest of the extended family through his "sharing" his version of the story. It has snowballed out of control and we're rather sad about it frankly.

Besides the obvious childish attitude here, I'm wondering what others have encountered in their dealings with such things and if there is any scriptural principles that you know of that might help.

We never intended for this to become what it is, but we also strongly feel that we want to (and are even obligated to) protect our sons from developing greedy hearts and from being hurt by favoritism.

Any thoughts?

Post by **_Michelle** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 7:12 pm

Hi Chris,
Your story has been on my mind all day today. (Maybe it's because I'm getting together with family tonight??) I'm never much for offering advice, and in this case I have no experience to draw from anyway because neither my family nor my in-laws ever did the kind of stuff you described. However, it sounds to me like your challenge isn't trying to keep your sons from being greedy -- your Halloween story shows that you are already nurturing a giving spirit in them -- instead, it sounds to me like your challenge is to protect them from difficult relatives who have some kind of "control issues." God bless you in that!

Post by **_MLH** » Sun Dec 24, 2006 9:23 pm

It sounds like my family ALOT.... Just no respect in our wishes for our children...

In our case we stopped celebrating Christmas when our last son was 6 mo. ( he is now 25) WOW, that was and still is huge to my family. Infact,
my brother quit speaking to me. My Mother still mailed gifts anyway
and I allowed our son to open them after Christmas. I did not want
the hassle anymore. They drilled me as some christians do such things as,
" Dont you believe in the birth of Christ"? "Aren't you a christian?"
" How sad for your children." Etc.

Michelle, I know you dont like to give advice but you have alot to share.
And, how else can we learn and dialog?

Christopher,
Follow your heart.

For me personally I would give the motorized truck to my child and teach him to share with his sibling. I am older now ( grandma age) and see
things differently. There is much more to agonize over...

God Bless,