Yes, I said that I said there is some mysterious connection. I would guess it just has to do with the fact that my interest in her was over a longer period of time than other interests... spanning through my late teenage years and well into my 20's.dwight92070 wrote:Obviously, she is "in your heart" in a different way than they are. Otherwise, you would be dreaming about them on a regular basis too.
This is not a moral crisis, you say. I might agree that it is not at a crisis stage, but I think morality is definitely involved. Let me explain. Can you please tell me and the other readers what specifically you dream about when you dream about her? Are these dreams that have frustrated you for years, about righteous, wholesome, fun activities with her? Or are they X-rated, dealing with things that you would be ashamed of, if others knew? If they are, as I suspect, the latter, then I believe you have a moral issue here, and, as I said before, those dreams oftentimes are simply revealing what is in your heart, whether you consciously realize it or not. If this is the case, then ask God to forgive you for what is in your heart.
I specifically said the dreams aren't R rated. In the dreams I have interest in her. You seem to be assuming two things about dreams that I think could/should be highly contested. First, that these dreams are revealing what's in my heart. Second, that if they reveal what is in my heart I need to be forgiven for them. On the first point, while I've already admitted that our lives are connected with some significance, you seem to be using the phrase 'in your heart' as if it is obviously nefarious. It needn't be. It isn't wrong for me to care about this girl. In fact, it would be wrong for me not to. On the second point, you seem to be assuming that we should repent over the content of our dreams in such cases. Again, you may be using a very non-Wesleyan definition of sin (Wesleyans define sin as a willfull violation of a known law of God). Since I am not willing for these dreams to occur (nor the wandering thoughts), I don't think there is a sin issue here. It is, instead, an annoyance and frustration.
You are aware that this thread spans a decade. I posted in times where the issue was at its most intense moments. It is not as if I'm constantly dreaming of her. For the most part, I am frustrated by this phenomenon for a week or so after camp each year. That's it. My reason for posting about it was not that I find it unbearable, but simply that I find it frustrating and wondered if anyone had any insight.And if being with her often is what "sets off" these dreams, then a season of separation will help to shut down these dreams. I never said that the first time you had a dream, you should immediately get up and move. In fact, I did not even mention moving. I did suggest that you get out of that situation. How? I don't know, God knows but pray and ask him. You have said that there is nothing you can do about your situation. But it seems you have made many decisions that have put you in close proximity with her - performing her wedding, ministering with her, going to camp, knowing she will be there, etc. etc. I am not saying she is evil or immoral but I am saying that you have to take steps to stop those dreams for your peace of mind.
What's more, I don't think I have done anything to purposefully put myself in close proximity to her. Our lives are simply intertwined to a high degree. We grew up in the same church. We share many of the same friends. I am married to her childhood friend. She is married to my wife's step brother. She is an active participant in both of the churches that I work at. We have always both gone to the same summer camp (of which I am the director). These are not areas that I have purposefully put myself in close proximity to her. These are just facts of life. What I do avoid is having private-natured conversations with her online or even in person.
Again, you are assuming that dreams and wandering thoughts indicate a weakness in my marriage and/or moral life. I think you are simply wrong about this. There is a difference between unwelcome thoughts and welcomed thoughts in the Christian thought life.Really? Then why have you been frustrated for years with wandering thoughts and dreams? I understand we all have those occasionally, but we are not all plagued with dreams about a specific girl for years. Also, for you to say that you are friends with all the girls that you dated prior to marriage puts you, IMO, in a rare group of men. I dare say that most wives would be quite upset if their husbands were still friends with their previous girl friends. Ask any guy on this forum how his wife would react if he chose to continue befriending his previous dating partners. To be honest, I don't think that is a sign of your marriage being strong, because there is such a thing as godly jealousy.
It saddens me that you find it hard to imagine Christian people maintaining friendships with people whom they courted but ended up not marrying. Why couldn't such people be friends? I suppose if we were all eternally hormonal teenagers simultaneously starring in soap operas this would be impossible to navigate. It seems to me, however, that Christian people can have mature relationships with each other, even when complicated pasts are involved.
Here's what I think about my situation. I think that I had a 'love' for this girl over a long period of time which, as is to be expected, left an impression on my heart (feelings) and mind (memories). At certain points, those feelings and memories are stirred up due to close proximity. But I, as a Christian, am not ruled by my feelings or my past. I am ruled by Jesus. It is probably safe to assume that Satan sees opportunity to use those feelings and memories as a means to tempt me to sin. But Satan isn't my ruler either. He has not been victorious in utilizing these things for well over a decade now. He has a pattern of defeat, not me. I just find him annoying.